What is the deal?

Good moring everyone,

Happy Sunday to all,hope you all is having a good day.I am up and ready to go to work in a bit.At least I get some more hours this week.I am just sitting here,thinking a few things about life,when I am not thinking about things.When am I not thinking of how to get my life were I want it to be?What is holding me back?I want to be happy in my life,I am happy,but,not content and what does that actullay mean,being content?I need to do things,get out there and enjoy life,but,its hard at times and I do enjoy life and I am happy,like I said.I am greatful for so many things in my life.I just cant figure out for the life of me,what is holding me back from enjoying the life I want?Does everyone think of this,what they want out of life?I have a good family,a few friends,a good boyfriend.But I feel soemthing is missing in my life,I feel it in my heart and I just dont know what that is.Its not like,I want to learn how to drive or go to college,I dont want that.I dont want to drive,because for one thing I am scared to,but,I have had people tell me,I would be a good driver,I think I would probllay just be like Mom or my BOyfriend,they drive the same,I think,at times.lol.Its scary out there.I still get edgy when I am in the passagners seat,after the accident Mom and I had in the summer time.I think what I am most scared about is,cant belive I am actullay going to say this,dying,or somehting bad is going to happend to me or my loved ones.That scares me the most.I want to stop thinking that way.I want to be more posative,and I used to.I hate to hear people say good things about me,ack,I dont like it,dont know why,but I dont like it.I dont like people telling me,I am a good person,I have a good heart and I like to help people.What is worng with me?Told you,I had a few things on my mind.Maybe even someday,I wont have to be on any pills.But.now isnt the time.I think alot lately about God and what is He all about.I am a christian,sometimes I feel as thoe I am not and I doubt Him alot.That was really hard for me to say.my Mom,my Sister and my Brother in London all are in church,good christians.I am a christian,but I seem to doubt alot of things for so long.What is the deal?Anyways,I will stop here,because,need to finish getting cleaned up and go to work.You all have a nice Sunday.Be safe and peaceout.