Meet Maggie and Roary.LOL.I know this Entry is kinda silly.

                       

Meet Maggie and Roray,my two new pets.I am taking care of a duck and a,I think its a ratcoon.LOL.I named Maggie after my Sisters,old Bestfriend,and I named oray after the Girlmore Girls.LOl.Ok,maybe I am to old to ahve somehting like that?Well,maybe not.Because my Sisters Hubsdan bought one for my Sister.I cant remember what kind She has.They are popular.My neices and nephews all have them.

I have been wanting one of theese for a while,couldnt find them at Target.So when Gary and I went to Ann Rundmills mall,I found them and He bought me them.They was 2 for 25.

 

 

 

 

 

The happenings going on in my life.

Good moring all,

I hope you all are having a good one.I want to thank you all very much for being there for me,for putting up with me and still putting up with me.I did really good last night,I slept ok,how ever,I kept waking up and having to go to the bath room.The Ultram is helping.But mostly the prayers from you all are helping.I wouldnt have done it without you all.And I still need you all very much in my life,not just with whats going on now,but with everything that I will be going through.There is so much going on in my life.I am still very tired and want to go back to sleep but I cant.I cant belive so much is going on.

All this worrying and be so stressed out and depressed is not good for my health.I know its not going to go away.But I will try and calm myself down.What I hate I have to do is call my Athitis Doc and tel Him whats all going on,because He doesnt know.I know He wont be happy.I dont even want to see Him.Because He is very worng and I belive has no clue about my health.He was the one who said I need therepay,which all of the other Docs I have seen,said it wont be any use to me because of the Arthitis being so bad with my knees and the knee caps are so bad.He also said I wouldnt need Surgey.I belive he has done nothing for me.Now the Surgon I saw yesterday,dont know whats going to happend when I go back to see Him,after I get this one problem taking care of.My Porises,like I said before,I need to clear that up,because He wont touch me till than.

There was one J-lander I cant remember who it was that said I would probllay have to go on disability,you are right,the Doctortold that to me and my Dad yesterday.Even thoe my Reg Doc said I could go back to work after I have surgey and get knee replacments.Even thoe I am to young,but still dont know whats going to happend.even my Mom and my Sister,well my Sister said that She thinks its time that I wont be able to work and my Mom is finally seeing that now to.Even thoe She would like me to work and me to.But,I am not going to quit yet,not now or anytime soon.I am going to wait.Its a going to wait and see prossce.Because,with the one J-lander who said too get my pay from my work that I have the right to get that which I am.Thank you for that and for telling me that,even thoe I dont want to hear it.LOL.I will  be keeping myself busy till Tuesday and probllay doing alot of sleeping.LOL.Taking my Ultram and my depression pill along with my sleeping pill,Requip.Anyways,I am going to get off of here and try ad go back to sleep.Thank you all again.I wll probllay be doig alot of etrys.LOL.Even thow you all say you could never get tired of me.LOL.You might.LOL.Thats the first time I have laughed in a while.Have a good weekend.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.

 

The Surgon Genreal Says?????

Hi all,

I hope you all is having a good night.Its been a long day.Well,first of all I didnt get any pain pills.The only thing I have right now till Tuesday is my Ultram Er.I just got it today and I hope it helps some.Is that a pain med?I hope its not because than I wont be able to get my pain meds on Tuesday.I think its a diffrent medicine.I will be really glad when I also see the pain Doctor.

The genreal surgeon says.LOL.Funny how I can laugh,when I have alot of problems ahead.Well,it does look like I will have to have Surgey,knee replacment in both knees.But,He doesnt want to do it,because,I am way to young,another but comming.Before I go back and talk to the surgon I have to take care of my skin problem,Porises.He will not do surgy,He will not touch me,till I clear that all up.I have it all over,but,mostly one huge spot on my knee.The Porises is so into both of my knees that its killing the bones,I cant talk like the surgon does,so,you all know what I mean.So till I get that taken care of,than I go back and we talk about what will happend.Till than,I will not be going to work anytime soon.He says my knee caps are really bad.I told Him how I waas walking.He looks like He knows what Hes doing.Anyways,I am going to get off of here and take a bath.Thank you all for being there for me.I love you all.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.

Thinking.

I just want to say thank you all for being there for me,sticking by me.I am still thinking if I should write that letter or not.Well,I am going to write the letter,but do you all think I should give it to Him?Do you all think He will help me?I am so tired,I cant keep my eyes open.I dont want to stay up late like I did last night.Love you all.Goodnight.

This is what I want to say to the Surgen tommrow,being tottlay honest.

If you all think of something else I need to say,please let me know.

I am going to be tottlay honest with you,my regular doctor gave me a prescription.I put it in and it was to soon.I am susposed to take 2 a day it didn't help,so,I would take one more.I am in so much pain that it just doesn't cut it to take how many I am taking.I am out of pain pills.My prescription wont be ready till tuesday.I cant wait that long without something to help me through the day and night.What I was taking was Hydrocod bit ibuprofen.The Doctor told me it was strong,but,the Pharmcy told me that maybe its not strong and I need something stronger to not take so many.I dont know what to do.I just dont want to be in any pain.Now I do have a prescription waiting for me.but I cant wait till next Tuesday.I will be crying in pain and wont be able to sleep.Please help me.Now I will also be seeing a pain doctor next week.I just need something to help me cope till next Tuesday.The only thing that helps me is the wheel chair to get around.I have been so stressed out about all of this and I havent been able to think stright or to sleep at all.

 

are you all tired of me yet?

I called my Reg Doc and told them what they Pharmcey said that Ii been taking to many,yes,I know I have,but,I am also in pain.He said it was to soon,thats why I think maybe the Surgen can do something tommrow.I dont know.Thats why I said,my Dad will be in te room to.I just dont know what to do.But thank you all for being there for me.

One more thing.

One more thing,tell Him whats going on?Even telling Him how many I took to get out of pain and that I have a prescription waiting till next Tue?That I am all out and I probllay need something stronger?I dont know if He will give it to me.Maybe I am kinda scared to say something.My dad will  be in the room to.

All out of words.

Ok,guys,I am not in the mood to be happy,I usllay say,how is everyone,but,cant find it in me to do that.I feel so stupid and really hate myself right now.I feel like I cant even look at me.I went to put in my Prescription and it was to soon to get it,they knew I was taking more than I was susposed to.I was only susposed to be taking 2,but,I been in so much pain,I took more than 2.You think they would be more concerning,but,intead of just making me look stupid.That was the Pharmcy.They said I should have had some more left and He also said maybe I need something stronger.This is going to be a really,really long week till Mon or Tues when I maybe can get them.I called my Doc like they said and try to get something stronger and Doc said it was strong enough.He knows I am in pain.I know He cares.But,you all dont know how I felt.How am I going to get through this week?Is this a test?But I am not faking,I a in pain and I only have 4 pills till next week.I cant stand me.I hate me and dont want to be me.My Doc told me to take my Ultrum,but,I cant get that till maybe tommrow or Fri.You guys,I never asked for support till now,but,I think I am really going to need it.I am crying.What have I done to myself?What have I become?Will I be able to surive through this whole week?BOyfriend said maybe try to get something tommrow when I go see the Surgen,but,than,if I already have something waiting,I may not get that.So,I think I am just going to wait it out.I know I will bu hurting.I just dont know what to do anymore.I feel like dying.

Weekly Sentence" #4!... come play!...

*  Each Saturday I will post a set of six letters.  A sentence must
    be made from these letters.  The letters today are: TPIWIS.
    An example of a sentence could be - The proud Indian waits in
    silence.  These letters MAY NOT be re-arranged.

*  There is a three - five persons judge panel (of JLand journalers)
    who will pick the best sentence submitted each week.  How will
    they decide the winning sentence?  The submission that receives
    the strongest reaction -  Did it make them laugh, sad, ponder, etc.?

*  The winner will receive a logo for his/her blog sidebar with their
    screen name on it.

*  Place submissions in comments section.  If you do this game as an
    entry in your journal please come back and leave your ENTIRE
    entry URL so your entry can be judged.  Submissions are due by
   Wednesday, 4PM EST.  The winner will be announced Friday
    morning or afternoon.

* A new set of letters will be placed in my journal, There is a
   Season, every Saturday Morning.

* If you have more than one submission, only your first counts.
   
   Have fun!!

  Today's Letters:
                TPIWIS

My answer is

The picture is white is snow

 

I am feeling soooooooooo much better.

Hi everyone,

I hope you all is having a good night.I myself is doing just fine.But hoping my puter doent shut off like before so I wont have to start over.Ok,can you all say,I worried for nothing?Yes,I did.I worried for nothing.Man,I feel so much better now,like a wieght lifted off my shoulders,well,at least with my Reg Doc till Thursday.I love my Doc,He is a good man.I finally found a Doc that really cares and really wants me to get better.Man,let me tell you,if its not one problem,its another.I was telling Him what my dad said that He thinks I dont need Surgey and He says,yes and thats also why I am going to John Hopkins.He says He really thinks I need Knee replacments in both knees.Dad thinks I am to young.

Man,I am starting to get sick and tired of seeing so many Doctors.One right after the other.Lets see,Thursday is the Surgen,I cant wait to get that over with.Mainly I want to know whats going on.But than if I will have Surgey,there will be more apps.Than Tuesday its the Pain Doctor,which I am looking forward to that and my Doc also wants me to see a Dermatoligst.I have Porises which is really,really,really bad.Spreading all over.WHY ME?You know what I need?I need some fun,yeah,I know,probllay have said that before.But I need to laugh.I so need to laugh.I think why I am off all this time,I want to do alot of things. keep saying that,dont I?But I really want to try and push myself.

I have my Digtal camra I would love to stat using,I have a brand new chip I havent even used.Hey,I have a question for you all experts on camras.When I start down loading my Digtal,I will be doing it on my Lap Top,but,I dont know how to dothat.Than again,I dont think I have parts to hook my Digtal up to my Lap Top.Maybe you all can tell me what I can do about that.I also want to learn how to do latch hook,it looks so hard and its probllay not.But I want my BestFriend to come over and teach me how.Because I want to learn before Christmas,so,I can give them as presants.Yes,I said it,the big C.Thats another thing,I hope I am not off of work that long.Anyways,I am going to get off of here and get some things done.Have a good evening all.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.Oh yeah,my Bestfriend was at my work shoping and my coworkers asked why I wasnt at work,I am like ha,they know why.She probllay just missunderstood.

What I wrote for the Doc.

What I want to say to the Doctor.

Yes,I get nervous talking to Doctors,thats why its eas for me writting things down.I have been so stressed and depressed from worrying,because of my knees.I hate it,the way I have been feeling.Its like I dont want to do anything.Yes,I will be seeing the Pain Doc next Tuesday.but I still have been in so much pain that the only thing that is helping me is right now the pain meds that the Orthopedic gave me.I just need something to help me till Ii see the Pain Doc.I have been taking Hydrocod Ibuprofen.The only thing that is helping me to walk some better and helping me to sleep.I am almost out and will need a Refil.I am hoping after the Pain Doc I wont need any pain pills.But right now I do need it till next Tuesday.I feel I need something to help me through the day,since I am not working to help me not to worry all the time.I have been crying because I have been in pain and stressed.The Lexapro seems to help some but I feel I need something strong.I am not to a point were I want to hurt myself.I am just in pain and stresed and depressed since I am not oworking.

THings will change,they have to.

Good morig all,

I hope you all are having a good one.I dont know what is worng with me.I feel like all I am ever doing in my Journal is complaining how I am hurting.Is it in my mind?I do know that I hurt.But,I am finally relizing and looking at my Journal,it is so sad.I dont want to be like this.I want to be a happy person with good and postaive thoughts.I did wake up this moring feeling sore with my knees.I think I over did it yesterday with walking.I was not using the wheel chair and I wanted to walk.I did use the scooter at Tagert yesterday.Please forgive me for being so negative lately.I am very ashamed of how I am acting.I dont like the way I have been.I should be so blessed that I am not more worse off than other people are more than I am.Did I put thoes words right?I hope so.

I will be sitting down this moring,well,I am sitting down now.LOL.I am going to write the letter to my Doctor and will tell him,please read this.I just cant belive the way I have been.I cant even look myself in the mirro.I am suspised you all didnt leave and say,this is just a depressing Journal.I dont want it to be.I want to be happy.I am really glad I will be going to the Pain Doc next Tuesday.I dont want to be on anymore pills after this week.I am dapendent on them.If I want to make things change I have to force myself to do that.But you know,I have been taking my Arthitis shots,they have been helping.So,now,I dont know if  I will need to have Surgey or not.Well,the Orthopedic says I do.But we will see when I go Thursday.

You all are such a blessingto me.I just cant belive how bad I let things get to me.I lost all intrest in things I loved doing.Well,not anymore,I am tired of the depression taking over my body.I want that happy person back in my life again.I cant belive it has taken me this long to relize.I know it will be hard.But I am going to force myself from now on,taking it step by step to doing the things I love doing.Like writting,I havent felt like writting in a long time,letters and I need to.I am going to do that today.Anyways,I just thank you all for sticking by this sad and depressing person.But no more.I shouldnt say no more,because,it wont be easy.But I want to change.I love you all so much and thank you all so much.I do hope you all will have a great day.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.

Hmmmmmmmm

Good night all,

I hope you all will have a good one.I hope I will to.It seems like all I have been doing is writting and complaining about what I am goig to sa to my Doc tommrow.I have an app next Tuesday to see the Pain Managment Doctor.I sure hope He can help.They said the dont give pills,but I think they do shots and other things.But I am going to ask my Doc tommrow to give me one last Refil of the pain meds that have been helping me.I wish I knew some info on them.Because they realy do help.Hydrocod Bit/Ibuprofen.But,I just wated to say thank you all for being there for me,throgh al the complaining.I lvoe you all.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.

Frustated.

Hi everyone,

I hope you all is having a good night.I am doing good here.Feeling down,of course,just because,I am home bound,not working.I hate it.Anyways,Have you all ever heard of Hydrocod Bit/Ibuprofen,subsitution for vicoprofen?Is that a strong pain killer?I am still in pain.I am going to see my Reg Doc on Tuesday.I am going to ask Him for another refil,hoping He will give it to me.Because I am hurting.I hope He doent ask me to ask my Arthitis Doc,bcause my Arthitis DOc tells me to ask my Reg Doc.I hate that.So we will see what happends.I know He wants me to see the pain mangment,He probllay thinks I made an app,but,right now,I am just to much in pain.What do you all think I should do?I am going to call tommrow and make an app.I am going to tell the secatary that I didnt see the pain mangment that I am in to much pain.I am nervous,He always makes me nervous.I He will understand.Anyways,I will be back later.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.

Question.

I have a question for you all.Is there a low dose of a pain killer that I could ask my Doc about? Thanks.Have a great day.

Rest in pease Fransis

Hi all,

I hope everyone is having a good night.I am doing good here.I just want to cry.Why you ask?Well,I just added a top up card to Garys cell phone,He had no more munites,when I added it,there was a message.Tears are starting to come down my face now.The guy that just pased away left a message on His cell phone.I kept playing it over and over.I still cant belive Hes gone.He was such a good man.I would always tease Him,not to His face,but to Gary that He was an old grouchy man.LOL.Gary always said that to before I said that.But we loved Him.I just cant belive Hes gone.There was so many people at the vewing today.I mean,I never seen so many people.He was very loved by so many.you should of seen how many Brothers and Sisters He had.I couldnt even count them.We only stayed a munite.Gary couldnt handel it.I think He wanted to cry,but,He held it in.You know how men are.It was an open caskit.We went up and saw Him.I wanted to cry.When we left,Gary said it didnt even look like Him,it didnt,Gary said they did a terrible job on Him.I think they did to.He looked so pale.I reeally miss Him.I am going to miss him always calling me by name,the way He calls me and He always ask me,when I am at work and Gary is off,He always ask,were is Gary at?He knows,but,He loved to tease.He was good man,with a heart of gold.When we was at the vewing,it was really sweet,Fransis,Daughter,little girlcam up to Gary and huged Him.That was so sweet.Gary said,He didnt think She knew who He was,because She never seen Him.Maybe Fransis pointed Him out.It was so crouded,we couldnt get in through all thoes people in the room.and people from work cam yo.Most of them showed up later.I dont understand why people have to die.It made me relize,you may wake up one moring and not be there.Ok,I am going to stop there.I just cant belive it.I love you guys so much.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.

JUST ME.

Hi all,

        I hope you all are having a good day.I am doing good here.Guess what?I thought I would have to wait for a long time for my sick leave check to come,but I didnt,it Friday and I got 4 hundred dollors.Some of that is back pay.But what is werid is,one of the papers said I was dienied,but,I dont think it would be from my check or they wouldnt send me one.I have to call Monday.everything was closed Friday.And it didnt ven snow here.LOL.But I was sure happy to see one,because I know I will need it.

Do you all think when I go see my surgen that He would give m pain killers?This time,I am giving them to Mom and Dad,which I did with the last ones.I am still in painbut ot as bad as I was.But I still cant walk that good.Gary and I are going to the vewing of our friend that just passed.Its just hard to belive.One day you wake up and your gone.I am really going to miss Him,so is Gary.Oh yeah,did I tell you I have m heart montor?Yup,I have to wear it for 21 days.but the thing is,it keeps reading,data not sending.I called yesterday and they helped me fixed it.But there off on the weekends.So,I wonder what I should do?Anyways,I will be back later.I hope you all have a good weekend.I am sur getting my days mixed up.LOL.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.

I have to fiure out why you all cant get inti my private Journal.

Hi all,

I know you all cant get into my private Journal,I cant figure out why you all cant get in.I will fiure it out later.If anyone wants to be added.Let me ndknow.Right now,I am tired and I am going to go lay down.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.

Thursday Happenings.

Good moring all

I hope you all is having a good one.I am doing ok here.I was going to do an Entry last night,but,I was dagon tired and couldnt think stright so I went to sleep.I kept on waking up some to check alerts and when went to write into the comment section.I didnt even know what I was doing.LOL.I was so tired.I think it was my PMS.LOL.Sorry guys.LOL.Dad even came upstairs to ask m what I wanted for dinner and I didnt even know were He said He was going,than He said again.He went to KFC.I do that sometimes,I get so tired and want to sleep ad I havent done tha in a loing time.I think I am going back to slee after I write this Entry.I wanted to write some lettet,but,was to tired to do that.I will try and do that today.I hope you all have a good day.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.

He died last night.

I just heard news that my good friend of Garys Co worke died last night,He was in His 70s.I am so sadden by all this.I dont know if He was a Christian.Please be with His family.His Daughter was with Him at the time He died.She has Brothers.His wife passed away a long time ago.I dont understand why this has to happend.He was a good man.Thank you.Pray for my Boyfriend.He says Hes used to people dying,because of His parents,but,I dont think Hes used to it.I think He hiding His feelings.Thank you.

Hoping today is a better day.

Good moring all,

I hope you all are having a good one.First of all I want to say that I am sorry to Ukgal,I had no attention f hurting your feelings.Yes,it did made me a little upset,but,it wasnt just you,I should have made myself more clear.I am sorry,please forgive me.So much was going on last night,things got ahead of and I just went off.I dont want you or anyone mad at me.I culdnt take it,if J-land was mad at me.you all are all I have.I wouldnt know what I would do without you.I feel so bad for say what I did in my Etry.I will admit,I have family members who read my Journal,but cant come to me and ask me how I am doing.I am really that I hurt anyones feellings,specillay Ukgal.Sometimes I feel like I dont have a right to say how I feel,because of certian people.Wh want to read about my life,but,dont want to email me and ask how I am doing.Thats fine.I am better off.Anyways,I hope you all have a good day.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.

What a mouthfull.

Ok,I dot know how I am going to get all of this out.But I feel I reallt need to let it out before I start crying and getting upset,maybe for  nothing.maybe I am missunderstood somethings.But from what the los like of it,going around in J-lamd.seems to me,everyone is having a really hard time,seeing people talkig neagtive things,hearing people not doing so well,people getting sick,depressed,not hearing anything good.I dont want to upset anyone,that is not my point to upset anyone.All I am just saying,from what I hear,people are getting a bit tired of hearing sad things going on in J-land.Who isnt?But what can you do?I understand how you all feel,that you all woul like to hear some good things going on in our lives.Maye I am missunderstanding,I hope I am.Because,I dont want to offend anyone,I dont want to loose any of my readers.But I am getting to the point were,ok,I am not having a happy life right now,due to the fact were I am.Are you all going to hate me because I am being so neagtive?

es,I would very much love to put on a happy face,I would love to have something to smile about.I would love to be able laugh.But,right now,its just not happing.I am stuck at home,ok,I have a wheel chair and I can get around.But do you honestly think I want to be stuck at home and not working?Not getting out and being around people?I knpw you all dont want to hear J-land always talking negative things,always being sad,depressed,having illness.But what can we do?Please,dont hate me for thi entry,I thought alot about this entry,aybe what I am saying is worng.But I am a little tired of people saying,ok,I am tired of hearing negative things.Maybe after this entry,I might want to leave,because,I dont want you all to hate me.you know for one,I want to be happy,I dont want to cry myself sleep,worrying about everything.Poping pills just to make the pain go awya.No,I havent done that.Dont that in the past.Yes,I feel bad for myself,I feel ashamed and dont like myself very much.You all can ay,I am a good,caring and loving person.but,deep down,I dont feel like that

There is so much I want to say,but alot of times I feel I cant,not at all worried about my J-landers or my on-line friends reading it,going to come out and bite the dust on the this one,family members,yup.they want to read my Journal,but the cant call me and ask how I am doing.I am better off.You know,I was told i was not ging to ammount to anything,I was told I was going to never get married.I remember someone saying that ome of my friends really had alot going fo Herself,that She changed.I dont forget things.Yes,that hurt.Yes,I hurt people,I made many mistakes,I hurt my bestfriend who i would love to have back in my life,but,wont go there.maybe I shouldnt even say the things I am saying now.But you know what,I dont care anymore.It just got to  me tonight,that people here was getting a bit tired of hearing sad things.Well,you know what,I cant help that.I am so sorry in advance,if I hurt anyones feelings.You all must now think I am this horibale person.I could go on and on about my life.How bad I feel right now,becasue,I feel alone,looking happy on the outside,deep inside,not so happy.Things are comming up in my life that I cant handel.Maybe not to bad.But I wish they werent there.Do I hate my body?Yes?I write this Journal to vent,no,I am not going to hurt myself.SO,please,you know who youare,Mom and Dad dont need to hear this.I am just venting,I am just feeling alone,mad tht people think we have nothing good to say in our Journals.And if you would like to get in touch with me,you have my email.Tj has my cell phone.But I am ok.I dont want my parents worrying.I just had to vent and let it all out.Thank you all for listing.I may keep on writting in the near future about things like this.But let me say something,I love you all,you all mean the world to me.Do I want to get out of this house and be with people,have a good laugh?Yes,of course,who doesnt?Have I always felt left out?Yes,and yes,I know you have to.Do I want you back into my life?Yes.it would be very uncomfortable,but yes.We had a history,you and I.I think I will end it there.But please,come to me,talk to me.Mom and Dad have enough on there plates.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.