Ok,I dot know how I am going to get all of this out.But I feel I reallt need to let it out before I start crying and getting upset,maybe for nothing.maybe I am missunderstood somethings.But from what the los like of it,going around in J-lamd.seems to me,everyone is having a really hard time,seeing people talkig neagtive things,hearing people not doing so well,people getting sick,depressed,not hearing anything good.I dont want to upset anyone,that is not my point to upset anyone.All I am just saying,from what I hear,people are getting a bit tired of hearing sad things going on in J-land.Who isnt?But what can you do?I understand how you all feel,that you all woul like to hear some good things going on in our lives.Maye I am missunderstanding,I hope I am.Because,I dont want to offend anyone,I dont want to loose any of my readers.But I am getting to the point were,ok,I am not having a happy life right now,due to the fact were I am.Are you all going to hate me because I am being so neagtive?
es,I would very much love to put on a happy face,I would love to have something to smile about.I would love to be able laugh.But,right now,its just not happing.I am stuck at home,ok,I have a wheel chair and I can get around.But do you honestly think I want to be stuck at home and not working?Not getting out and being around people?I knpw you all dont want to hear J-land always talking negative things,always being sad,depressed,having illness.But what can we do?Please,dont hate me for thi entry,I thought alot about this entry,aybe what I am saying is worng.But I am a little tired of people saying,ok,I am tired of hearing negative things.Maybe after this entry,I might want to leave,because,I dont want you all to hate me.you know for one,I want to be happy,I dont want to cry myself sleep,worrying about everything.Poping pills just to make the pain go awya.No,I havent done that.Dont that in the past.Yes,I feel bad for myself,I feel ashamed and dont like myself very much.You all can ay,I am a good,caring and loving person.but,deep down,I dont feel like that
There is so much I want to say,but alot of times I feel I cant,not at all worried about my J-landers or my on-line friends reading it,going to come out and bite the dust on the this one,family members,yup.they want to read my Journal,but the cant call me and ask how I am doing.I am better off.You know,I was told i was not ging to ammount to anything,I was told I was going to never get married.I remember someone saying that ome of my friends really had alot going fo Herself,that She changed.I dont forget things.Yes,that hurt.Yes,I hurt people,I made many mistakes,I hurt my bestfriend who i would love to have back in my life,but,wont go there.maybe I shouldnt even say the things I am saying now.But you know what,I dont care anymore.It just got to me tonight,that people here was getting a bit tired of hearing sad things.Well,you know what,I cant help that.I am so sorry in advance,if I hurt anyones feelings.You all must now think I am this horibale person.I could go on and on about my life.How bad I feel right now,becasue,I feel alone,looking happy on the outside,deep inside,not so happy.Things are comming up in my life that I cant handel.Maybe not to bad.But I wish they werent there.Do I hate my body?Yes?I write this Journal to vent,no,I am not going to hurt myself.SO,please,you know who youare,Mom and Dad dont need to hear this.I am just venting,I am just feeling alone,mad tht people think we have nothing good to say in our Journals.And if you would like to get in touch with me,you have my email.Tj has my cell phone.But I am ok.I dont want my parents worrying.I just had to vent and let it all out.Thank you all for listing.I may keep on writting in the near future about things like this.But let me say something,I love you all,you all mean the world to me.Do I want to get out of this house and be with people,have a good laugh?Yes,of course,who doesnt?Have I always felt left out?Yes,and yes,I know you have to.Do I want you back into my life?Yes.it would be very uncomfortable,but yes.We had a history,you and I.I think I will end it there.But please,come to me,talk to me.Mom and Dad have enough on there plates.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.
12 comments:
Awwwwwwww Mandy, do'nt worry hon, you wo'nt lose me as a reader, I do'nt mind that all entries are not happy because not all of mine are either, nobody is happy 24/ 7, there are alot of things I am unhappy about too, I wo'nt get into now but my point is journals are for venting and anyone who does'nt like what they read should just click the red X at the top, Hugs Lisa ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Mandy )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Girl, it is your journal, be as negative as you want! I know of a certain J-lander who wanted to step away from her journal because of all the negativity in J-land. You know what, the fact that she said that, makes her a negative person. A person that is willing to hurt other people's feelings. Maybe this person does not come out and say it herself but she has her own misery. WE ALL DO. Anyone who pretends no to, is a liar. The fact that someone would just turn her back on suffering friends, shows you the type of person that she is. Journals are for the purpose of expressing ourselves! If it is anger, depression, sadness, whatever.. this is what a journal is for! IF THEY DON"T LIKE IT, THEY CAN READ SOMETHING ELSE! ((((HUGS HUGS AND MORE HUGS)))) -Missy http://journals.aol.com/ma24179/MISSYZSTUFF
amanda we love you as you can see by the ammount of people asking to added as readers if you go private .we who truely care about you will always be here if it happens to be you that someone has made to feel bad im sorry it is your journal and if they dont wanna hear your story then they can turn off your alerts and no more so just relax and know we love you girl and want you to feel better im sure none of us could handle very well the pain and agony your in daily.. it is so apparent your a very sensitive person.please dont worry your friends will remain with you .. and may god bless you and yours (((((((hugs)))))) for you. love you ...Sue
Amanda dont worry about what others think this is your journal. I have been reading for about two months so i am a newbie i guess to this I dont always leave messages. Sorry.. I find it very comforting to read the journals some are funny some are sad but its life and alot of the times i can relate to what others are writing about. Keep it up! God bless you! Hugs Barb
Hunny I hope you didn't mean me..like i said in my entry it's not anyone elses problem but mine...you write what you want ...it's your journal...
Lyn
http://journals.aol.com/ukgal36/Britsblog/
Amanda - I will always read your journal, both good-and-bad news, so not a worry here. Now, I am going to share that as much as you have a right to write about what's on your heart, people or person that made the comment about the negativity and a need to step away had a right to say what they or she had to say too. It was not directed personally at you - but I feel - IMHO - it was a broad view of the journals they or she has been reading lately. And, if we are honest with ourselves - sometimes that happens. But that is what makes the good news days so much more happy! So I would not take it personally. I know I have had a lot of "bad" news lately myself, but I did not let what the writers say upset me because they were her feelings and she felt a need to step away for a bit. That's okay too! So post away Darlin, and say what you need to say. That is the beauty of the journal - it allows us to be ourselves! And I happen to like you a lot because you are a very special, loving and caring lady! God Bless!
Dont worry what other people think or feel towards you i know its hard but it can be done. your not being negitive your just showing how you feel.
Dear Amanda , Please dont feel bad about your self ,just remember everyone on here is different ,we as individuals are all different but very important ,it would be a boring place if we were all the same ,and I love to get your (((((hugs))))) on my journal when you visit my journal ..with love Jan xx
{{{Amanda}}}
Don't let anyone make you feel bad about what you write in your own journal.
Everyone here loves you - that is so obvious - so just keep being you!!!
love,
Michelle
Hey girl. You write what you feel about whatever you want to. We all have problems, and it helps to get them out. it helps to have feed back from ppl who are understanding and caring. I know I get tired of writing negative things, thats why sometimes I just dont write cuz just for once id like to write about something good for a change, but its ok, write what you want, if it helps you to get it out thats all that matters. If anyone doesnt want to read it, theres a pretty red X in the corner they can click. Just that simple. :)
You are just what God made... and that makes you unique! :-) If you tell us how you feel we can pray for you. Some don't have it as good as others so they need to be encouraged to feel better about themselves. Keeping you in my prayers and write what you want in your journal. If someone does not like it.. then they have plenty of other journals to read. Right? :-) In my prayers. Hugs, Janie
Girlfriend, we all have our down moments. whwn all we want to do is dig a hole and climb in. The diference betweeen you and most folks; your honest about. That is part of the beauty of your journal; it is a place for you to vent. Vent away.
Hugs,Laini
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