This isnt a very happy entry for me,I dont even know what I am doing anymore.All I want to do right now is cry.My Doctor never called me,I will try and call Him again tommrow at 8 in the moring,when they open.I will talk to the Secatary again.I feel like right now,I am a nervous reck and dont know what to do.To be honest with you all,I am just going to come out and say it,I hate my life and my life isnt going anywere right now.I am crying even while I am writting this entry.I put on a good front,like I am happy,which all in all,I am not happy.How do I be happy?I dont know.What does happyness mean,I dont know.
What happend to me?What happend to the person I used to know,way back when?Can I ever get back there?Before I say anything,I will say,I am not angry at anyone or mad or hate anyone,but myself for feeling the way I am feeling.all I want to do right now is to change,to be the person I need to be,who the heck knows who that is?What happend?
Do you know,that I used to have fun,I used to go out,hang out,had friends over.Maybe I am getting older and I dont need that.I dont know.But for some reason,theres this feeling inside of me that just doesnt know anymore.Who am I,or who I want to be.Am I being selfish to even write all this down,when theres so many people out there hurting,worse off than I am?I cant stand to be myself anymore.I know some people will read this and I dont want anything from anyone.I just want my feelings to be out there.This is not anyone in J-land or my online friends.I am just talking,getting it al out.Taking a stand for myself.What ever stand that is.Things will change,if I have to,they will change.I will talk to my Doctor.What ever need be,things will be diffrent.You know what it is,I thought life would be diffrent,here I am at the age of 35 and I still dont know what that is.So just bare with me,along for the ride,if you want.I just want to say,I REALLY HATE MYSELF.I hate mysellf for so many,many reasons.But if this is what its got to take for me to get to this point.Well,than,let it be.I will be ok,I guess.I am out of here.
8 comments:
. .
'
^
Are you manic depression? Sounds like you might be. If you hurt all the time then you have a reason to be unhappy. Some people just don't understand it because they have not been in a lot of pain. In my prayers that the doctor will call you and make you an appointment. Have him check you for a muscle problem too... can not spell it... kind of like Fybra....something. Maybe someone else will know how to spell it that comments on your journal. It runs in my family. Blessings, Janie
from reading this entry, sounds like you're depressed..you need to talk to your doctor and let him know your feelings and what's going on with you..help is out there..seek it.
Take care
Gem
Don't give up. Call him tomorrow and the next day until you get an answer k. In my opinion I think you should seek another dr. I think it's bad that he never even called you back after knowing what's going on.
Those were some very strong feelings, and you have no one to apologize for them because they are your feelings. I'm in agreement that you need to get to a doctor and if this one is not being responsive, call another or go to the emergency room. Or, your clergy. I am so sorry you are feeling badly about yourself, but you are in there somewhere and from the little I have come to know about you, are a very sweet and caring young woman. God Bless!
We all think about what ever happened to us what about the life that we wanted. Those feeling are so normal. However, you just need to know what you hate about your life and then find a way to change it. Only you can make yourself happy. Hang in there it will get better.
Kelli
http://journals.aol.com/kamdghwmw/noonmom
I think you need some antidepressants! Hope you start to feel better about life.
Missie
We are all here for you ...remember that. ...many hugs and love,
Joyce
Post a Comment