leaving this blank,dont know what to say.

I wish I can say I had a good time on vaction,and maybe I did.But comming home was not such a good thing.I am siting here,crying,tears down my fase and I am so mad and angry at my Mom.I am angry at the world.I dont know what to do anymore.I just get home and all kaos breaks through.I dont understand my Mom and why SHe puts my through this.She says,I dont resecpt Her,but,She doesnt Me.I do so much for Her,my boyfriend does so much and all She can think of is,let me back this up a bit,She gets to talking to Him,because we go play the slots before we come home and He was saying,He wont a bunch of money,just as much as He payed for the vaction and I am talking about how am I going to get my check in the moring and Mom was wondeing the same thing,I hate to say this and makes me mad,but,sometimes I feel as thoe,thats all She thinks about is Herself and how She is going to get things,because,I give Her rent.I feel like I am on the back burner of things and She never gets me.She was saying I disresecpt Her because we was both yelling back and forth at eachother,orcourse after He left.I get home and I have to hear all this.Sometimes,I just hate my life and no one gets me,not even my boyfriend.He is a good guy and does so much for me,does alot for my family and my Mom doesnt see that.All She sees is,Hes taken advantage of me,because were not married.Cant She just let me live my life the way I want to live it without Her getitng invloved.We bring dinner home for Her,we bought stuff back from the beach for HEr,what does She do,She doesnt want it,because SHe is mad,She is angry.She gives the food back to my boyfriend.But it is back in the house.I am tired,I dont know what to do and I am about to break loose.She doesnt know,that I am hurt when She does so much for my sister and Her family,well,maybe that makes me a little mad,I go out of my way,but,I feel,She wont go out of Her way for me.Shes got to stop with this old school stuff,I am sorry,and maybe Shes just bringing it up so much,thats probllay why I dont even want to go to church with Her.She wants me to be in church,to be a good christian,find a good christian man who will treat me right.Well,you know what,I am tired,and She doesnt get it.I get the fact that ok,that maybe the right thing to do.But She is brining it up to me all the time and that is not the way to do it.She doesnt like my boyfriend,because of that,but yet,She doesnt see what He does for me.I was about to just end it all.Yeah,I want Him to see that if He doesnt take action,I am gone.Maybe I am so mad right now,I dont even know what I am thinking.I have tryed to tell Him how I feel about things,I dont think He is ready for marriage or may not ever be ready fro marriage.Maybe I am scared to loose Him.But right now,maybe I have to do this,so,I cant start living my life and knowing what I need to do.There was alot of hurtful things said between my Mom and I and I am not about to talk to Her tonight,I am so glad She is going over my sisters tommrow.I dont know what to do,dont know what to do with my boyfriend.I do know,I feel maybe I should have some alone time.Maybe it will shake Him Him up.If He loves me enough,He will come back to me.But I have just had it up to here.I dont even know who I am anymore.Yes,Hes done alot for me,Hes bought me so much and even if I say I want some alone time,dont know what He will do.He said,one time,if I ever left Him and thats not what I want to do.I jsut want to be left alone for a while.But I will worry about Him because,He doesnt have anyone.I just dont know anymore.I need advice from you all.So,you know,I just got home from vaction,I havent catched up on all of the alerts yet,havent even settled in and relaxed yet,how can I?What do you all think I should do?Wake Him up a little and see what happends?I just dont want Him hurting himself.But I feel I need,I dont know what I need.Anyways,I am going to try and catch up on some alerts here,than,maybe get a shower and get to bed.I havem issed you all sooooooooo much.One more thing,I think I am bold enough to tell Him,my boyfriend that I need some time to think about things in my life,I maybe a little scared that maybe He wont want me,but that is the vhance I will have to take.Have a good night all.