Ok,I feel like just sitting here and taling about what?A bunch of nothing.lol.Just feel like talking.It is really gloomy out today,I know we needed the rain,but,I want the sunshine back.lol.I am sitting here in the puter room,listning to my neice playing with Her doll house.She is to cute.Her doll house is a princess house.She thinks She is a princess,She is,I think all girls are princess and all boys are prince,well,depending on how you look at that.lol.She was complaing earlyer that Her youngest brother was messing with Her doll house and I said He wasnt,She kept saying He was,She said,He must of done something to it last Sat,I said no,I moved it.lol.When I was cleaning.lol.I think She likes to blame Her brother sometimes.There good kids.My neice has to share a room with Her youngest brother,the oldest brother finally has His own room now,which is a good thing.But dont know how long my neice will take this,sharing a room with Her brother.lol.They all love eachother.If I remember right,girls,can never manage to sit still for one moment?lol.Thats what I heard.Ok,I have a few questions to ask of you all.What is this I hear,of other games besides the post card game?I would like to get involved in it.I am still involved in the post card game to.I have a very good question,wonder if you all can answer for me.Is anyone out there in this world,how do I put this?Were they want to be?If,not,how do you get there?Maybe I just asked the same questions over and over again.lol.I really want to get my life in order.I mean,I dont have a bad life or anyhting like that.I just want to feel good about myself,feel better about Me.I just havent grasped that yet.Alot of times,to tell you the truth,I am not happy,inside,I am not happy.Does that make sence?I am happy,but there is always something missing.I want to step out there in the world and be my own boss.Not having anyone to dapend on.How do you do it?I know,I am always asking this.I feel to me,somewere inside of me,its getting closer to wanting out,to being dapendent on my own.But it still scares me,frightens me more than anything.Ok,I am just going to come out with it all.I am afaird of life,I am afarid of what happends to me when theres no one to hold onto?I mean,yeah,my parents are still here,and I know I will always have my brothres and sisters.But its not always going to be like that and I know that.I am 34 years old and I am scared of te world,knwoing whats out there,if I step out there in the world all by myself,what would happend?I would panic,probllay be sent into a mental home?told you,I was just rambling,now I am telling it like it is.This home,the house I am living in,is my saftey net,besides my boyfriend.I dont want t be like that,I really dont.I feel traped and I want out,but,how.Told you one of theeses days,I was just going to let it all out.And there is still more were that came to.I hate it,I hate being so afarid,and I feel I am not my own person.Is that werid or stupid to you?I know there are things I probllay wont get done,and things I will.I know I have so much to be thankful for,I am.Just dont think anyone understands me.To be honest,I dont like myself half the time.I try working on it,but,its just hard.How do you like yourself?How do you love yourself?Is it the way you susposed to do things in life?Like,the way you eat,you have to eat better so you can feel better about yourself?I cant even stand to look in the mirro for one munite.lol.I try,I try and smile,but,it doesnt help.So,how do you just concoure this big bad world all by yourself.Right now,I feel safe,I am in my saftey net.But one day,I know I will have to be there all on my own.I hate the way I am,but,I am working on it.Well,trying,I dont even know were to begine.Its like,I dont feel comfortable with myself.How do you feel comefortable with yourself?Is there a way?Is there a way out of all of this maddness?I mean,I have it good,I have good parents,who are there for me,a good boyfriend who is always there for me.But I want to be my own person.HOW DO YOU DO THAT?Is that to much to ask?I feel like when I write stuff like this down,that why should I?Its stupid and its done.Anyways,I am done here for now,sorry guys,just felt like I needed to get a few things off my mind.Let me tell you theres more were that came from.I am going to have to let go of being afarid and feeling like I am alone.Thank you all for being there for me and listing to me rambel.Have a wonderful weekendend and week ahead.My nece,you gotta love Her,She is writting storys about Her dollys,She doesnt know how to write that good yet and asking me and Grandma to write.lol.Peaceout till now.Thank you for making me this pretty grafic,I hope I got the right peson who did it.This is Her link.
3 comments:
Mandy,
Thanks for the comment and hugs you left over in my journal. I wanted to come over here and leave you some too :)
Vivian
The payoff for independent is worth it. Take baby steps and you will get there. It's better than staying put in one spot in your life. Keep moving forward a little at a time.
Nelishia
Amanda,
first you need to decide what would make you happy--what does happiness look like? then you can make a list of steps needed to get there.
for liking yourself--sit down and think of all the things you like in other people--then see how many of those things you have as well--if you can like other people for it--you can like yourself for it.
The world is scary sometimes--but we can't let fear paralyze us.
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