Hi everyone,
Hope you all is having a good evening.I am doing ok here.I had a good talk with my thereapyst,it is nice to talk to someone,to get things off your chest and I also love having my journal.We were talking about my Mom and I.She was telling me,you have to stop worrying about Her and start worrying about me,it wasnt said like that,but,thats what She meant.I was telling Her I was going on vaction with my boyfriend and I feel like I am not going to have a good time,because,I will be worrying about whats going on at home,my Mom and everyone.How do you just stop worrying about everyone?I know you got to live for yourself,sometimes its a bit much.Thank you all for the nice comments.They mean so much to me and you all give me good advice.I am a worry wort,just like my Mom,I think I get everything from Her.I just dont know how to have fun anymore.thats a load off my mind,dont know were that came from,but its true.I am even worrying about whats going to happend next week.I want to have fun and I want to forget about everything,just live for me,but how?Were do you start?I am 34,I dont even know how to do that.I feel like just comming out and saying it all here,but,like I said before,its just a bit to much.Ok,so,you want to know,I dont like myself very much,I try to please everyone,maybe thats were I get it from my Mom to.When everyone says I am a good person,I have a good heart,I dont see it,I mean,yeah,I know I do,but,I just dont feel it.If you know what I mean.I am just going to come right out and say it.I dont like myself,I hae myself and I try really hard to work on liking myself and I have no idea to do that.What is worng with me?How do you start liking yourself?For once in my life,I just want,you know what,I dont know what I want.I think of the future all the time,I think whats going to happend.I think what is going to happend to me if somehting bad would happend to my parents.Am I selfish?I am scared of life,I am scared to live.Yikes,I said that.I guess I am saying a little to much.But I need to do something,because,I am driving myself crazy.I used to be happy a long time ago,why dont I have that back?I used to have fun,I was full of life and knowing what I wanted out of life.Now,I dont know anything.Here I am at the age of 34,not knowing what my life is all about.I am so scared to be out there all alone in the world by myself.I cant do that.Thats what I worry about.But I dont want to worry,I want to live,I want to actullay know what it means to being happy.I want to smile for me,actullay knowing what a smile is all about,who I am.Who is that?I dont know.I could go on and on.But,I am getting tired and I need some sleep.I know you all dont want to here me complain all the time.Sorry about that.But I feel I just need to get this off my mind.By the way,the ants arent to bad,because I been cleaning my room like crazy.So,I am getting something done.I went out with my boyfriend tonight,I bought a movie,of course,He says,its rated g.lol.i dont always get rated g dizney movies,but,I do have alot of them and when Oct 3 comes out,you better belive me,I am going to get the Little Mermaid,that is my all time fave movie,next to Beaty and the Beast,my 2 fave movies.Anyways,thanks for bearing with me,this entry is probllay a little long.Have a good night all.Peaceout.
9 comments:
(((((((((((((((amanda)))))))))))))))))))))))
try to have fun next week--we have so few opportunities to go on vacation and enjoy ourselves!
Hi Amanda. I really hope you go on that vacation and try and relax and have a good time. Maybe this is something you really need. I was just thinking how when my husband and I went to the mountains years ago, we left all our worries at home and just let everything go and enjoyed ourselves. It really does help. Good luck! Hugs and GBU, Shelly
Hiya hun,
Ooh, October 3rd is my birthday! lol!
Lv Stevie
xxx
Amanda....I'm sending you hug's from me {{{}}}. Hon, believe it or not, I do know what you are talking about. I've been there! I was never comfortable with myself for so long. I seen so many different therapist and was actually put in a mental ward. (not like you see on t.v.) It took awhile for me to learn what fun was, and how to have it. I always worry about everyone else, and put me on the back burner. I still do that, but...I have learned to accept me for me! :o) I've put on a lot of weight beacause of my medicines...and that was hard for me to accept, but I have now. It's still an everyday struggle for me. Just take baby steps and take things one day at a time, or like I've had to do, one hour at a time. You are a beautiful person, inside and out! You have such a big heart and you are a very caring and loving person! :o) Thats a rare quality to come across! :o) Take a vacation, and relax and then you will find fun! :o)
Lisa
You go and enjoy your vacation. You cannot live your life for other people.
http://journals.aol.co.uk/jeanno43/JeannettesJottings/
Aw, Mandy - you sweetheart! I think happiness at 5 or 10 is defined differentl from what it means at 34, things won't simply fall into place like they used to. But you have many friends and ppl to talk to, I hope you find something that you can immerse yourself in. Look for your postcard! xoxo CATHY
Amanda.. I think most of us are still trying to figure out what we want.. and trying to find ways to be happy. I'm 53, and I'm still working on it!!
You need to just go on this vacation with your boyfriend, and have a good time! Life is so short, and if you don't enjoy it now (I should follow this advice myself) it might be to late tomorrow!
Hugs
jackie
http://journals.aol.com/siennastarr/Hopefloats/
It's hard to not think of your mom and everything else all the time. Just try and go on vacation and have a great time. You can do it. This is for you. I know it's hard but it will do you both good. Love and hugs my dear.
I know exactly how you feel Mandy...I live it daily...thinking about my Mom, my family and more...but you go on this vacation, you have fun...enjoy yourself...oh how I wish I was the one going...love you!!!
Hugs and love,
Joyce
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