Rambling

 

Good moring all,

           Hope you all having a good start of a day.today is Wed.lol.I guess its been an ok day,somewhat,with my Mom kinda getting on my nerves.You all know I love my Mom,but sometimes to much cloessness is to much.I feel She wants me to be there for Her all the time.I guess I made the mistake os asking HEr,you want me to go to the stoor with you?I will already be going to a storr,to were I work at.She always throws this in my face,if it was Gary,you would go in a heart beat,She didnt say thoes exact words,but,it kinda felt like She was saying that.Than She asks me what time I work tommrow and if I need a ride home,I said,I didnt need a ride home,gary was picking me up.I said,did you want to do something?She said,no,you have your own life.I feel like She really makes me feel guilty.She depends on me alot and sometimes,I feel like ust being left alone.If you all could say a prayer for Her,I would be greatful for that.I know that She is depressed,I dont think She belives in taking any medicine to help with that,She taled about getting on something to calm Her nerves,but,would only take it if She really needs it.But I honestly,between you and I,I feel She needs to be on something.I think it would help Her alot,even thoe,alot of medicine She takes,make Her sick.I just feel like I am at my wits end.I feel I let Her down all the time,She doesnt say it,but the look in Her eyes,when She wants me to do soemthing,specillay going to church.What if I just dont want to feel like going?The other day at work,She calls me,but doesnt leave a message and I called Her back,She was upset,crying about something,dont know what,it was probllay nothing.Than She askes me,I really need you tonight to come with me to church,than She would say,just say,yes or no.She puts me on the spot.Today,right now,She is mad,angry,dont know why,She mostly yells at my Dad or me,if I dont want to do anything.Thats just it,I dont understand and I cant keep going on like this,it will drive me tottlay insane.I always look after Her,making She sure She gets soemthing to eat,while I am out with my boyfriend..Sometimes I feel like just packing it all in and say,I give up,thats it,I cant take anymore of it.That I jsut want to be left alone,on an island by myself,were I dont have to be bothered.Now I feel like I am bashing out my Mom,which I dont mean to do it,you all know I love Her.But I just cant take it anymore.I feel like She never sees that She does somethings worng,when She says,its my falt.Does that make me a bad person to say all this?It also kinda hurts me,that She is there more for my sister and HEr family.I know she will do anything for us kids.But when my Sister needs my Mom,She is always there.I think I may have said to much,so,I am going to stop.Hope you all have a nice day.Cya later.