This is what I am giving to my Thereapyst tommrow.

Sorry about the entry being small,I wrote in an email first before I put in here,so,I can print it out tommrow.Ok,this is what I am going to print out and let my therapyst read it tommrow.I wrote it all in my email,so it wuld be easy for me instead of writting out on paprer like I used to.

I have been thinking on a lot of things,about life,what I should do with my life,because,I feel somehting is trying to tell me something,or am I just going crazy.I want to step out there in the world,make my life better for myself,just dont know how to do that.Yes,I am scared of making it out there on my own.I know my parents arent going to be around for ever.I think about it alot.Making changes in my life,doing whats best for me and I dont know what best is for me.How do you make yourself happy?How do you just stop worrying all the time about life?How do you just go out and do it,be the person you want to be?so many things in my life I want to do and I am scared,scared to death.what if I dont make it out there?I know if something would ever happened to my parents,I know my Brothers and Sister and my family would be there for me,but that's not what I want.I want to be indapendent,making a life for myself.Its like theeses movies I watch,were they have there own lifes.I want that.But were do I begin?I have always wanted to ride the metro buss on my own and I am even scared about doing that.I will be 35 this year in May.I just feel like I havent even done anything with y life.That is what I think about all the time.I depend on pills alot,just to get me through the daya and I want to some day get off them but now I cant.Is that so bad?I am taking something for depression,anxity.I am scared to  be alone and Idont want to have to depend on anyone.what is worng with me?Why cant I make a life of my own abd be happy with my life?I know I have a good family,one or two friends and a good boyfriend who is always there for me.but I want more,i want to do things.This world I live in scares me.I am scared to walk out in the big bad world on my own.I been so protective of my parents and my family that I dont want to get out there and I do.I want to change my life,change who I am.Make myself happy,what ever happyness means to me,I dont know.Why I am still not happy with my life,even thoe Ihave good things in my life?Its a good thing I have written this down and to bring this to your attention.So many things I want to say.How do I begin to live?How do I begin to make my life happy?I am addicted to pain killers and I wish I had one right now.when I used to take them,they would make me feel good about myself,why?Everyone can tell me to stop being afarid and just go out there and live your life.But it scares me.I just want to know why my life is like this?I used to go to church and I am a christian and know my Mom would love me going back to church.But do you have to go to church to belive in God?well,I think I have said enough.I just wanted you to know how I been feelig about things in my life.I know I been stressed out alot.Hours at work have been hard,been working less.I dont understand is why my Boss would tell one of my co workers to call and see if they need Her to work.I have been there longer.Its not right.work hasnt been easy,just dealing with it.I called out last Thursday and my Boss,She was snippy with me,when I talked to Her on the phone to let Her know I wasn't coming in.It wasn't my falt that I was sick.I wasn't sick,my hands were hurting.I have carpel tunnel.sometimes I get so depressed I dont want to live,but,I do,I just want my life to be better.So,this is what I have been going through and thinking about alot.Thank you for listning.