I am all taped out on what to say.

I really hate to be the downer right now,but,I thought I was feeling better,but,I am not.I am not feeling to good right now with having so many problems with graffics.If you say,I am in a pitty party for myself,tonight,I am in one,a big one.It has been a long week.I belive this year,dont know why,this christmas,has just been to me a downer,maybe its me.But,I am crying inside,trying to hold it in from anyone seeing tears comming down my face.Because the puter is down stairs and my Dad is watching tv.Yes,I am really down on myself now at this time in my life.I feel I cant do anything right.I dont want to even get a family picture done tommrow night.Wopie dooo da.My Sis,wants to get a family pic done,when we havent had one since I was little,and to be honest,now,I dont want one.Yes,close your ears,you guys,I am pmsing.lol.Sorry,had to say it.But let me tell you,this week has been so bad and sometimes,there not bad and sometimes they are,this past 3 days has been tootlay,you know what.I am not usllay like this,or am I?I have got alot of going on right now and maybe I am making to much out of it.Yes,I know,more worse people off than I am.I try and thank of ways I can do to help people,help myself feeling good about myself.But if you want to be really tottlay honest,I dont like myself right now,this year has been one crazy doozy one.Maybe I am changing,because,I am getting older and I dont like it.No,dont want to stay young,well,maybe,look young,nut not stay it.I just feel like everything has gone down hill and no one but myself knows how I really feel,ok,maybe,this should go into my private journal.I am not a bad person.But I feel I just cant take it anymore.I am stressing out with so much and I do know you guys have alot of going on and maybe I should sit here and complain.But like we all said,this is our own journal and we come here to do whatever.lol.I just cant pick up the peices and look on the brighter side of things and be happy for what I have.Did I just say that?I am blessed,I am happy.But,my insides dont feel it.I dont want to get family pic taken tommrow.Ok,I hate my life right now and I just dont know what to do.Dont worry,I am ok,to scared to do anything to myself anywyas.I just wanted to say,I am right now,fet up with graffics.lol.Dont know what the problem is,never had the problem before.Its all happening now.This is my life,take or leave it.lol.Sorry you all,but,I just feel the need to vent.And if I had some pain killers,which I dont,they only make you feel good for a while,make you sleep and dont have to worry.I know,they are no good and yes,I was addicted to them.Used to take about 1o,maybe more in one day.I know,its not good.Dont worry,I dont have them.I do have something to help me sleep,but,I only take 3,that is enough,tryed taking 5,didnt do a thing.Ok,thats enough.Goodnight.cya in the Am.Be safe and peaceout.