Hi all,
I am sure most of all of you are sleeping by now.First of all I want to thank you all for being there for me,for always listning to me.I know I been complaining alot lately.I am sorry about that.But it helps me to get my feelings out,even if I am complaining about the same thing at times.You all are such great listners.Thank you.I was sleeping for a while,than I woke up.I had to take 3 Motrin for my neck and my shoulder.It has been hurting for a few days.It helped some.I know alot has to do from working,from stress,from me worrying about so many things that I cant even controll.
I feel I have been so out of focus with my life,that I cant seem to get back.Sometimes I wish I was a kida again,than again I dont.When I was a kid,of course you all know that,you didnt have a thing to worry about.Now as you are older,I am older.I worry about so many things in my life.For one thing,I hate the fact that I have to depend on people,mainly my Dad to take me to work and pick me up.I wish there was a way I can work that out and not have to ask Him.Because I have to be there so early in the moring.I hate that I am limited on things to do.That sucks.Because I just cant come and go as I please.I cant even take a walk if I wanted to without my parents having to owrry about me.But with that,I uderstand.Thats why I get so depressed,being in this house 24/7,sometimes not getting out.I dont even get to see me Boyfriend alot.
And thats anoter thing,we were talking tonight about marriage he thinks I will get scared andwant to come home.How does He know unless we give a try.I tell Him I am ready.Sometimes I just dont understand.Yeah,I am scared,thats a big thing,getting married,leaving your home forever.But how do you not know unless you give it a try?Like I said.He says we will be together forever,I told Him,Hey,I aint waiting forever to get married and have a life.Its not like I want kids.I already know I am to set in my ways for that.Dont get me worng I love kids and I used to want kids.Also with all the medicine I am on,I dont think its a good idea.I just love being the Aunt.That makes me special.Even thoe,people at work tell me,you need to have a baby.You would feel so much better if you do and you dont know what its like to have your own kid.But I am not ready to have a kid.At one time,I always thought of adopting.
Another thing is,I feel like I dont now how to have fun anymore.I need to.But I am either always working,or doing other things in my life.I dont have a good Girlfriend to talk to or to hang out with.Its hard to find someone just to do that.I know thats what I need.But you want to also know something?It is also hard for me to talk to someone,even if I ever got to know a good friend.Like when I am talking to you all here,like this.I dont know how to open up.I am shy.Your probllay saying,She shy,yes,I am shy.I dont want to limit myself anymore.I want to be able to take thoes baby steps,I am scared to even take baby steps.Anyways,I guess I had alot on my mind and wanted to get it out.Thank you all again for always listing to me.One more thing,I do need a change,so,I can finally get some things done in this room.Have a good sleep all.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.
4 comments:
i hope you have a great week.. I don't really know what to tell you except only YOU have the power to change you..no one else can do it for you...
hugs back at you
Lyn
maybe you can learn the bus system or find a carpool. Just my ideas
Kelli
http://journals.aol.com/kamdghwmw/noonmom
Why don't you and your boyfriend try living together first before getting married?
Missie
I know what you mean about wishing to be a kid again. Life was so simple - next Tuesday's Math test was the biggest problem in life. No bills, no mortgage, just the simple life. As the Statler Brothers once sang, "Life gets complicated when you get past eighteen."
Do something for yourself to take care of yourself - by yourself. You don't have to go anywhere particularly, but do something YOU like that relaxes you, especially if it's something you don't get to do very often. Maybe as simple as going to see a movie, using the bus system as another commenter suggested.
As far as getting married goes . . . the best advice there is to pray about it so you can be sure that it's right. I disagree with living together first. Research years ago showed that the divorce rate among couples that lived together first was still about the same as those who didn't. They said just like traditional dating, people tend to conceal their feelings to preserve the relationship. If your boyfriend has misgivings now, work it out now. These were the two mistakes I made that led to my trainwreck (first marriage). Not trying to scare you, but it pays to be sure. It can save a whole lotta heartache later (sorry this ended being so long!)
Dirk
Post a Comment