Good moring all,
Hope you all had a goodnight sleep last night.I had a pretty good night,till I woke up this moring.I would like to talk about something to get it off my mind.I gues I been doing that alot lately.Venting in my journal.I dont want to do this all the time,but,I feel I need to let this out before I go crazy.I guess,maybe I shouldnt have said I was going out later with my boyfirend when my Mom asked me what time are you leaving?I told Her.She did make breakfest and I thanked Her,but,She didnt say anything.I guess and I know She is mad with me.I just dont know what to do anymore.I asked Her if She wanted go somewere and I would go.Than She brings up,you have your life,just go upstairs,meaning,I have my Laptop,and I have my boyfriend.But I tryed,I asked Her and She didnt want to go out.I feel like all the time,I have to drop everything and something with my Mom.I love my Mom and I want to spend time with HEr.I know,I know,you all have told me,its going to happend till I do something about it,like move out.I cant afford to move out,even if I did and I had a roommate,I still couldnt afford it.I have to much on my plate.I have my shots to pay for,doctor bills and I just cant.I would never move in with my boyfriend because I know how that would end up.She would be very mad at me and I dont want that.So,till something gives,I just have to keep thinking 
posative,try not let this get to me,which thats not easy.I do alot for my Mom and I feel She doesnt relize that.Even if I talk to Her about how I feel,She will get very senative about it and wont speak to meI cant talk to my Dad either.So,things right now are just left in the air.Dont get me worng,Shes a good Mom,She does so much.I dont even know if She wanted to go out this moring or not.She didnt even act like it.I just dont know what to do.It hurts me.But this is the best way,I can just let it all out.I dont want to keep feeling like my journal is a sob story.lol.But,I am my own person,I do have a life and if I was out on my own,what would She do.I am not always on my Laptop.I just dont know.I hate this,I know Hate is a strong word.But,my heart aches,because I feel She thinks I dont want to do anything with Her.She thinks I am never there for Her.She gets so stressed out.My brother from London will be home soon,She will have plenty of time,spending with them.I know,they will want to spend time with everyone.I know my MOm,I know how She gets.I just dont know what to do.I guess this is something I am going to have to pray about really hard and let God take over.Thank you all for lesting to me vent again.You all are really good listners.Have a nice day.Be safe out there with the nast weather and peaceout.
3 comments:
We all love to listen, but I think you feel guilty for even talking about it - I would say, don't feel guilty for that - instead, use it as fuel to take steps to live your life, even at home, and not feel obligated to be everything for your mother.
Charley
I want to say that only you is in your house, and knows what your life is like, what your problems are, physically, and with your Mom. BUT it sounds as if you are just using all your energy to try to please her, and then become hurt, because she doesn't build you up much. You Are a GOOD person, have a GOOD heart. Trust yourself, pray, and then follow your heart. Do what you have to do though. I'll be praying for you. Merry
Listen to how great your words are tho Sweetie....You love your mom, she is a wonderful mom, you are happy with her and the only thing I don't hear is negative, bashing and hate! How sweet your post is! Hon, the only thing I can say from what I have read is that you are second guessing your Mom's feelings, you have no idea what goes on in her head but you feel it's all down and nothing positive, maybe you are really wrong and she is going thru some hormonal thing, us older women do go thru some heavy mood swings and since what is going on with your mom is really out of your control I wouldnt' waste the energy thinking all the wrong things! Come home and sit down with her and designate a day for both of you to go out together, have a pizza, hit a movie, do anything, walk in a park, do anything but share your time with her. It's really wonderful when a child sit's down and "talks" to a parent because it's when the Mom in us comes out and we continue to bond. Good luck Sweet Pea..life is short ...make the best of it! Mom's/MIL's/Nana's/Grannys ..we are all wonderful human beings if we are given the chance to shine for you! xox Doreen :)))))))
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