Just chilling,not anymore,now I am MAD!!!

Good moring all,

          Hope you all are having a good day today.Hope you all had fun at the party.Wish I could of been there to say Hi and meet everyone.But glad you all had a blast.Maybe you all could set up a chat room fo J-land,I dont know,just an idea.I a getting ready to head out with my Mom.So,it will probllay be a busy day.Sorry,guys,if I didnt get around to put a comment in everyones journal for the past year of J-land.I do love you all.Thank you all so  much for your comfort.I will be getting around to sending post cards out tommrow.I know theres somehting I want to say,but,I forgot.lol.I hate that.lol.Do you ever get so stressed out,and cant finish everything all in one day?I do have to say,I am greatful,I fnally have the right meds that work for me and help me cope though the day.Sometimes,I still wish I had a pain killer,but,I dont want them,I was very addicted to them,they got me through the day,well,not really,just made me slept and forget it all.But I am feeling so much better.I am trying to learn how to be me,and be happy.I do love my Mom alot,I think we get on eachothers nerves and I try really hard not get there.lol.I want to be there for Her.But sometimes is jsut to much,do you know what I mean?sometimes I just dont want to get up in the moring,just sleep in all day.But I think we all get like that.But I do need to get going.I think She is ready to leave.I just feel like things are getting to me all at once.But,I am feeling better.I hope I am not confusing you all.I think I am confusing myself.You all have a great day.I do need to catch up on some things here in J-land.Peaceout till now.Be safe out there.God bless you all.Ok,I am back,I didnt go anywere.Now I am tottlay mad,would like to use another word for mad,but,I want to keep mu journal clean.lol.I cant belive it,I get up early this moring,get cleaned up and ready to go out with Mom,but than when we are all ready to go,what does She do and I always know it will be my falt.She calls my sister and wants to take the kids out,Mom told me today,jsut when were ready to leave,She said She told my sister She planed on spending time with my neice,I can understand that,but,I had to be back at the house by 2 or 3,and it was already getting late.I thought it was going to be just Mom and I,but I know my Mom,She always does this and I start to get a litle mad and upset,than She gets mad and upset,than nothing happends,the day is runin,this day is runin.I cant belive it.I am mad,I am angry and I am upset.I love my MOm,I really do and were close.I want to do stuff with Her and I know lately I havent been doing stuff with Her.I dont know what went on when She was talk to my Sister on te phone about spending time with my neice and probllay my nephew.I dont know,She knew I had plans myself.Sometimes I wonder,and now it is my falt,than Shes going to be angry for the rest of the day and I will be to.Now I dont even feel like going out nowere,not even with my boyfriend.Today is date night and I have to work tommrow and usllay I am off,but,I have to work.Sometimes I feel like She doesnt have any,I shouldnt even say the word.Because I am just sitting here,tears comming down my face and knowing we probllay wont even talk to eachother.I tryed really hard,I thought,and would of just went and hang out with my Mom and my neice and nephew or who ever,but,She kept telling my Sister,I was getting upset because I had to be back here at a certain time.So now,ofcourse everything is my falt,I just made me a sandwhich,and She said,I am not cleaning up after you all.Fine and dandy to me.She didnt have to go and say all what She said to my Sister,that I was getting upset.So I take it,my Sister is probllay a little upset to.Oh well,what can I do.Why dosnt She tell me theeses things ahead of time?I just dont get it.Well,I think I am going to get off of here and maybe lay down.Dont get me worng guys,I love my Mom,I am greatful for Her and my Dad.But today was just tottlay screwd.And I feel like calling my boyfriend and telling Him,I dont feel like going out.Oh well,I will see how I feel later.But right now,I am MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I am finally getting ready to leave soon with my boyfriend,I didnt really wanted to go,but,I guess I should get out of the house for a while.I was going to write my Mom a note saying I was sorry,but,I still dont know what to do.So,maybe I will just leave it alone for now.Its beel like walking around egg shells here at the house.She looks at me,not a pretty site.I am always in the worng and cant do anything right.But I love my Mom.Than when I went to do a load of wash,She got mad because She was going to wash to and I already had put my load in there.I think I am just going to leave a note,than I am going to go outside and wait for my boyfriend.I need to listen to some music.Have a good day all,better than I did.Peace.