Did I just do that?I just spilled something all over my entry page.lol.

Good moring all,

                   Hope everyone had a good sleep last night,I did,because of my medicine helps,helps alot with restless leg syndrom.I wanted to thank everone who gave me good advice about my boyfriend and about driving.lol.I think you all are right,that I should just leave it alone,let it pass for now,even thoes its kinda hard to do.But I will try,I didnt really want to put any presure on my boyfriend,He knows what I want,He knows I want a life,marriage with Him.I think He thinks I am still a baby,still young and would be scared to get maried and leave home.Ofcourse,I am scared,marriage is a big step,huge step,and I know nothing about being in a marriage.I am ust going to go ahead and spill the beans here.lol.I dont think I am scared to be alone,but its been so long being with my boyfriend,I wouldnt know.lol.Even thoe I still live with my parents.But here is the thing I wanted to get at,wasnt sure I wanted to put what I want to say in here.But I feel I need and let it off my chest.I probllay have mentioned before,I come from a christian family,how ever my Dad isnt saved.My Mom goes to church,I have a family who are missonary over in London,I have a sister and Her husband and family who are very active in the church here along with my Mom.I got to stop here and think of what I need to say.I fee like my heart is harden,have you ever felt like that?It acullay hurts.I feel I have been presured,I know my Mom loves and cares for me and wants the best for me.Ok,here is the thing,She wants me to be married before I am with a guy,if you know what I mean,I go to Ocean City with my boyfriend every year,we stay in the same hotell together.My mom doesnt like that,thats what I was getting at last night,but,wasnt ready to spill the beans here.lol.I feel like I am a bad person.She doesnt like the fact that I go with Him ans stay in the hotell with Him,I hear it every year when I go.But what I am getting at is,this has to come from God telling me what I need to,not my Mom.I know She loves me,I do know that and Shes a good Mom,Shes done so much for me.To tell you the truth,I cant belive I am saying this,but,right now at this point in time,I dont feellike I am a christian,I have been saved,even baptized.At one time,was very decacated into going to church,finding a good church man.Dont know what went worng.I feel alot of times God is nudging at me,going to church,but not giving everything up,if you know what I mean.I am not ready to give it all up.I know my Mom would love for me to find a good church man.But,this is who I am,right now.I lvoe my boyfriend so much and I dont want to leave Him.Hes a good man.I do know He loves me.I feel in my life,I havent even begun to live yet,thoe my boyfriend makes me happy,I lvoe ebing with Him.But for me,my life,inside of myself,I am not happy,dont know what I want out of my life.Scares me to death,life scares me,if I ever need to be on my own,scares me.Boy,I am spilling the big guns here.lol.Maybe I need to print this out and let my boyfriend see it.I know I want to do the right thing,but knowing what that is,I dont know yet.I just feel like everything is getting to me.But,mor than anything in the world,I want to get out there and live,start doing thins on my own,ok,I know,I say that alot.But what is worng with me?HWy cant I let anything go and start living for me?My main picture is,I dont want to always feel depended on someone.I want to live,want to know what my happyness means to me.there you have it,I problla have a whole lot more to say,but,going to end it for now.because,I need to get some things done for work.Thank you all for giving me really good advice.I love you all.