Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Dont know anymore,started out as a good day

Hi there,

     Good  moring to all.Hope you all are having a good week.I havent done an entry for a couple of days.lol.So wanted to do one now before I get really busy today.I do have alot of stuff to do today.Even thoe it is my day off.lol.But I have another one on Thursday.So,that is good.But I have alot of running around to do today.Probllay wont be on here much.But you never know.lol.I ust wanted to let you all know,I am thinking of you,keeping you all in my prayers.I know I have to catch up in the alerts,I will get to them soon.I love you all so much.Seems like there is so much to do,not enough time in the day.lol.I go see my thereapyst today,it helps to talk about things and get them out.There is so much I want to do in my life,but,I still have alot of fears to let go and dont know how to do that.Why do I have all thoes fears?I just dont understand.Anyways,I am going to cut this short.I hope you all have a wodnerful day.I pray you all are well and for all of you who are not well,I am praying you all get better.I miss you loads.I will try and be back later.Have a great day.

God bless,

Amanda

     

P.S.Ok,guys,I need some advice on what I should do with my Mom.I dont know what to do anymore.I cant deal with it anymore.It hurts to much.I always feel I am in the worng.I love my Mom so much and She has done so much for me.But everytime,something happends,I feel it is my falt.Maybe I am being selfish,Id ont know.I was getting up early,to get dress,clean up and do things for my Mom this moring,before going to my doctors,to see my thereapyst,which I am  glad I am seeng Her today.My MOm asked me if I had plans to go out with my boyfriend and I said yes,She didnt ask me what time.I said He was picking me up after my app.Than,thats when She got mad.She thinks I am never there for Her.I am not offending my Mom,not say anything bad about Her.Shes a great Mom.But She gets so stressed out all the time,it gets to me and I dont know what to do.I think I heard Her right,She was probllay just taking out of anger,bein upset.She told me or maybe I missunderstood Her,to find a place to stay.I know She doesnt want that.Maybe it doesnt seem like I dont do alot of things with Her.But I am always helping Her out.When She needs things for church,I get it for Her.But I know,She is blaming this on me.I just dont know what to do.I do have a life,I also want to do things with Her.I guess,I am just going to have to make some plans out for just Her and I.I will tell my boyfriend,I am spending time with my Mom.Right now,She is mad,so,She probllay wants nothing to do with me or my Dad.Is it really my falt? know She hurts alot,and gets upset alot.ut I feel,when ever my sister calls and needs some help,She is there for Her.I am not jealous,it just hurts.If She is upset with my sister,She doesnt show it to HEr.Should I be worng for saying all this?I feel I shouldnt have a life.So many things I want to do.I feel so traped at times.I know and think my Mom needs a friend,needs someone to talk to.Maybe I am spending to much time with my boyfriend.I feel my Mom is depressed.But She doesnt have insurance to get help.Or maybe this is all my doing,I am all in the worng.Not it feels alot of tension in here.It seems like this happends every Tuesday,when She knows it is date night.I need help,I need to know what I should.I feel She wants so much out of me.I want to be there for Her,do things fo HEr.This is helping now,just getting it all off my mind.I know today,She wont speak to me,so,I am on my own with getting dinner.lol.I just hate it when we dont speak.And when we do,like tommrow,I know She will probllay be picking me up from work at 10.I know She feels I am never there for Her.It always starts out with me having thigns to do with my boyfriend.He is the only friend I have,besides you guys,and a bestfriend,who I really dont talk to and cant tell my feelings like this to Her.I dont know how.Do I sound like a bad person for saying all this?Thats how I feel.Please,give me some advice on what I should do.I know  have said this before,but,it is really getting to me.She stays kooped up in Her room.I dont like to see Her do that.I know She probllay feels I dont care.I am just so hurt and I know She is to.We been slaming doors.lol.Shes a wonderful perosn,a great Mom.I know She goes through so much.Maybe She would like a card in the mail to.Might even cheer Her up.I dont know.I am stressed.I dont like being in this mood.Because my boyfriend is picking me up right after my app.Like tommrow,if She does pick me up,we wont talk about it,because,I know,it is my falt.I dont anymore.thank you all for listning to me rambling on.I just dont want you to think I dont love my Mom,I do,I love Her alot.She thinks I am not there for Her.But I feel,She execpts to much from me.Am I worng?Hope you all have a great day and I love you all so much.it is really quiet here.lol.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have learned through experience with my hubby and his family that there is nothing that family should not be able to work out. It's so important to make sure they know what they mean to you. Just have a heart to heart with your mom and tell her how you feel. And you weren't rambling.

Hugs, Angela

Anonymous said...

maybe your mom needs to find a therapist as well--there as sliding scale places that help people with no insurance.
You are a young girl and should be living your own life--not feeling like you have to be there for your mom.

My mom has been really stressed out with work and taking it out on me and my dad and it's really hard.  I will pray for you both!

Anonymous said...

I think your mom may be depressed.  It's a shame she can't afford to get some meds or something.  I will pray for the both of you, Mandy.  I hope she starts to feel better so she doesn't make you feel so bad.  HUGS  Chris