Wed happennings.

Good Moring all,

I hope you all had a good night sleep.I slept ok,but,I kept on thinking about Vt,I kept thinking about all the parents who lost there child and the students who lost there friends,what they must be going through.I know everyone must be thinking,why does this have to happend?Do we blame God?Things like this,makes it hard for me to understand why this happends.Its hard to burry all of your troubles in the dirt,things that happend like this,or the trials and strugels thats going on in your life.Its to hard not to think about it all.Life is scary,you never know when its going to be your last.So many things going through my mind.One thing I am dealing with,hard to let go,but,you have to do the best thing you know how to do.

Its hard to be happy when things like this happend.Even when I am going through something in my life who I had to finally let go for now.Its the best thing to do for me in my life.I finally relized,once in my life,I dont need the stress that has always been layed upon me.This has happen,time and time again,I just never relized that it was always going to be the same,never stoping.Blaming me still for the past things I have done and She never relizing what Shes doing,making me the bad person in all of this.Saying that She cant trust me,that She wants to get together with me,but,I always turn Her down,saying,I am not feeling good and not wanting to go out.

Yes,it does hurt me,She is my family,I love Her so much,She doesnt think I love Her,She cant trust me,when we always try and plan things.This time,we were trying to get together,but,it never happend,never got a phone call or an email,so,She is not making me to blame for this.She never even sees in Her own life that She has done me worng to.but,for once in my life,I am letting this go.She needs to work things out in Her own life.She thinks I am not a friend,that I always stand Her up,stab Her in the back.What about me.I cant deal with this.I can say a whole lot more,that She was fine,She had a job and She was happy till things got messed up.Shes never really had a real job.She thought She could trust me.I told Her,if you cant trust me,enough to be a friend,well,maybe this wasnt mean to be.As sad as it is,I think and I know,things were better the way they was.Meaning,I was fine when I didnt have the stress in my life.

I dont know what else to do,other than to let this go.What makes me mad more than anything,She doesnt understand my side of the story,She has to be right in everything.Its not going to happend like this.She feels I am not a trust worth friend,than She needs to let me go.Which I have finally let it go.Or maybe I havent because I am still talking about it,becaus,I am hurt over this.Just like when I texed message Her the other day and said I love you.She wouldnt have it,She said,if you want to talk,call,She couldnt afford to loose anymore munites on Her cell.Thats bull.She talks to my Sister N law all the time,I wont even get into that one.Because it will just make me mad.But the point is,She has no idea what I am going through,making me out to be the bad person.I am not perfect,never tryed to be perfect.And you know something,things are better this way,just the way they have been.I am happy,just the way I am.All I can do is pray for Her.She is always wanting me to try and understand were She is comming from,I do understand.But,She doesnt let any of it go.So,I finally had to tell Her,I will block you if this keeps going on,I will even have to change my cell number if I have to.Well,enough about that,I was up way ealy this moring,so,I am going to bed back for a while.I was up at 5 this moring and thats early for me.Lol.Thanks for listning to me vent.I hope you all have a nice day today.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.