Sunday night.

Hi all,

Its getting late.I need to get my beatuy sleep.I am getting tired.Its been a long week.Usllay I am off on Mondays,but I am not,I have to go in tommrow at 9:30 to 1:30,so thats not bad.I was letting you all know that my old Boss was comming back to work,well,someone else is comming  in instead of my old Boss.I have to see Her tommrow.LOL.I am sure it will be fine.She is spanish.

Its kinda funny,because we have another co worker who also is Spanish and one of the other co workers said that they didnt want to hear them talking in Spanish,could be talking about us and we wouldnt know it.LOL.But,the one Spanish lady who works with us now,She wont do that.she is nice.But this lady that is comming doesnt want to really be a manager,She wants our Asst manager to do all the work and that aint happening.LOL.

So,I will updat tommrow and let you all know how this new Boss works out.I have to get to bed.My knee is still swelled up and my ankel is still hurting,but,good thing,my Dad found the number to order my shots,which I need so bad.I was limping so bad today at work and probllay wil be tommrow.Have a good night all and a good week ahead.Be safe and warm/kool out there.Peaceout.

not feeling good.

Good moring all,

I hope you all had a better night than I did.Man,I had a terrible night last and I dont feel so good this moring.I have to get up,get cleaned up for work.I will tell you,I dont want to go to work,because,I am feeling sick to my stomach.I just dont feel good ar all.With me having a really bad night.I was tossig and turning all night long,my knee was bugging me all night,it is swolen and hurts.But,I am going to work.So,I will end this now till later.Hope you all have a good rest of the weekend.Be safe.Peaceout.

Things on my mind

I figured I would do another entry while I sit here and wait for food to come to the house.Mom didnt want to go out,so,I was glad about that.I would of went.But,on a day like today,dont feel like doing anything but going back to sleep.I will,when food gets here and after I eat.LOL.They said we should be getting some storms here later on.So,I will be charging my Laptop.LOL.Its funny,I come down stairs,waiting fo the food,Dad sees me getting my Laptop and He is probllay saying,were you going with that?.LOL.

I am trying not to fall alseep till the food comes.I took my moring meds,so,they make me a little sleepy.I have some things on my mind,dont I always?LOL.As hard as it is,its so hard to let go of the past,not so much of the mistakes you have done,but the people you have lost in your life.There is so much I want to say,so,much I would to have back in my life,maybe not certian people,because,I now know,having certian people in your life is not good for you if they keep bringing you down.There is someone I miss alot,everytime we have a gathering,man,let me tell you,its hard,hard being around that person.Theres so much hurt.Sometimes I want to cry,because,She was my bestfriend before She choose someone else in my family,if you know what I mean.I cant belive I am saying this,but its true.I was thinking of a saying,true friends stick together,in reality,thats not so true.But it hurts.I wish I could write Her a long letter,telling Her how I feel,but,dont think that would help,knowing someone else is in Her life,ok,one of my family members.I can actullay say and be honest,She was my bestfriend.I guess people change,when we get hurt,its hard to get that friendship back.

I just had to get that off my mind.Maybe I cant move on because there is so much hurt in my heart.I mean all in all,I am happy,dont get me worng.But there are things in my life I would love to make peace with.Maybe its not the right time to do it.I thought of writting Her a letter,but,what would I say?What would it matter?Maybe She thinks I am a bad person,because,I hurt someone else.The person I am talking about is my Sister N law,married to my Brother and I miss my Brother to.maybe some things are just better left alone.Maybe I wouldnt want to get a whole relitionshp back,maybe,I dont know what I am talking about.I just know my heart hurts.It has been hurt for a long time and I know She has been hurt to.Maybe I have to much on my hands and just starting to think about alot of things.I had to click it,my dad just came in,wanted to know what I was doing.LOL.He wants the puter,as always.Do you know,Hes got a desk top puter,He turned that one off,so,He thinks whats mine is His.LOL.Well,He better think twice when I go on vaction,my puter is comming with me.LOL.Ok,still waiting for the food and I want to go to sleep.well,i think I have said enough.will be back later.Peaceout.

Fri Happenings.

Good moring all,

Hope you all had a good nights rest,better than I did,I hope.I was going to do an entry last night,but,as I was writting it,I got tired and turned off the puter and fell alseep.I didnt have a good night at all,kept tossing and turning and waking up through the night.It was my knee acting up,its a little but swolen,well,its swolen.

Ok,I didnt relize how big this graffic would be.LOL.But I love Charlie and Lola.I am a kid at heart.LOL.My neice would always tell me,you are a teen ager,your not old like grandma and Momy.Shhhhh dont tell.LOL.I feel like going back to sleep,kind of a good day to go back to sleep.Looks like its going to rain,maybe thats why my knee is acting up.When ever it rains,it acts up.Dont know what I am going to do today.probllay go out with my Mom.

I dont feel like going to work and getting my check,what little check I got.LOL.But I am thankful for my check.I am thankful for my job.Even thoe it can be a pain.LOL.Well,I better get off of here and get cleaned up and get some things done.I hope you all will have a good weekend.I will beback later.Be safe and warm and kool.Peaceout.

Thursday Happenings.

Good after noon all,

I hope you all are having a good day today.I am doing alright here.I am just a little tired thoe.I wish I was off today instead of tommrow.But oh well.I dont like being off on Fridays,because its pay day.That means I have to get up early to go get my pay check.Lol.

I forgot to mention that my old Boss will not be comming back to our stoor,instad,someone else will be comming.I hope things will work out for the best.I just hope and pray.Right now I am feeling a little icky,so,I think I am going to take a short cat nap before I have to get ready for work.I did how ever,strighten my room up some.well,I hope you all have a nice day.I will be back later.be safe and warm/kool out there.Peaceout.

The contuing story.Lol.

Ok,just wanted to pop in before I head off to work.I had a nap,which felt good.I woke up and was just thinking about things,ok,always thinking about things arent I?So,I know I need to get out there and just do it?So,I am asking you all,were do I start?What is first on my list to just get out there and do it?So,thats what I am asking you all.There are so many things I would love to do.I think when I get home from work tonight.I am going to sit down and right out a list of things I want to do and than i will share them with you all.I want to live my life the way I want to and the only way I can do it,is to JUST DO IT!!!Nikie Style.lol.Cya later,I got to get cleaned up.Peaceout.

Part 2 of to be contuined

Good moring all,

Hope you all slept well.I slept ok.I just got off the phone from talking with my boyfrend,He just told me some upsetting news that I just couldnt belive.One of the Asst managers got fired last night,for stealing and She was drunk,just shocking to me,She was a really sweet person,still is.I am just so sad by this news.What makes a person do such a thing like that?That would cost your job? I just dont know what to think of it all.I know everyone will be talking about it today.You dont think of things like that,happening to good people like that.Just sad.But life goes on.

its still hard to belive in yourself when things like this happend and it makes you think.I hope She is well and will find peace in Her heart.I want to begin again with my contiuned story.I just wanted to let you all know what happend befoe I went on with my story.I also want to thank you all for your encourging words and good advice.now dont get me worng,I know there is alot of people more worse off than I am.I have alot to be thankful for.But yet,I still wonder what my life would be like.I know I need to get out there and just make things happen,but,it scares me so much to even think about getting out there and doing things for myself.Thats what I want more than anything.I want so much to have a happy life,do something spontainous and fun.What that is,I dont know.This is my life in a nut shell.I want to prove to people that I can make things happend,that I can make things change for my life,just dont know how,dont know were to begine.Were and how do I begin?I dont care if this journal is provate anymore or who reads it.They can think what they want to.

Yes,I want so much for someone to hold me and tell me its ok,my boyfriend would do that for me,but,I dont want that.I want things to happen.I want to stop worrying about everyday life.I am relizing now that you can be happy and still worry about things in life,is that right?My life consits of  going to work and comming home.Tell me more what can I do?My Mom was telling me last night that I need to get right right with God,get into church again.I am a christian and I do love the Lord,but,something about church,I just dont know.She tells me,if I get right with the Lord,tha maybe things will fall into place.I know She would like me to go to Her church,were I have been going a long time ago,but,just feel that church isnt right with me.I think something is worng with me.Well,this is it for me right no.I need to get off and get some things done.Have a nice day all.To be contiuned till next time.Be saf and warm and kool put therePeaceout.

 

 

To be contiuned!!!

Ok,I am just sitting here,thinking of what to say,boy,I could say alot of things,but,dont know were to begin.I always say that,dont I?I will tell you one thing,I am stressed,stressed out about alot of things in my life.Here I am at the age of almost turning 35 and I have no clue what my life is going to turn out to be.I have to be honest for the first time in my life,I am scared of whats going to happend.Alot of times I feel alone and dont know how to not be alone.

Let me tell you,I want things to change for the good in my life.were do you go from there?How do you start fresh?How do you make the world around you a better place to live?stop living in the past,letting the past go?My heart hurts and to be honest with you,I wish I wasnt taking any pills for depression,but,I need it,I need them to make my life seem somewhat ok.But when it all comes down to it,my life isnt ok.Yeah,I have a good family,maybe 2 good friends and a wonderful boyfriend who is always there for me.I dont want to be alone.I want to stand up for myself and I dont know how to do that.I want better things for my life.

I dont even know what  I am talking about anymore.What is councling helping?What is my meds helping?what is worng with me?Ok,so maybe I am just talking,no,maybe I am just telling how it is with my life.Let me ask you all a question?Is anyone ever happy?Happy with there life?When is it you have to stop worrying about from one thing to another?

Let me tell you this,in the back of your mind,your thinking of all the things that people have told you that you wont ammount to anything in your life,that this is it,this is your life.Your not going to get married,not going to have kids,your going to be living at home with your family for the rest of your life.HOW O YOU PROVE THEM WORNG?I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!!!!!!!!!!!Ok,I know you guys are thinking,what is Her problem,has She gone nuts?Maybe I have,but,I think this was a long time comming and will be a contiuning entry of my life.lol.

For the first time in my life,I relized so many things I want out of my life and it scares me the most more than anything in the world.Growing up and doing things on yor own.Stop feeling like your to blame for everything that happend in the past.Stop thinking that you wont amount to nothing.I feel that,I think that and I dont want to feel that or think of that.I want to stand up for myself.with all of whats going on in todays world,scares me,that scares me,life scares me.Thinking I cant make it out on my own,scares me.I am sure some people think I am a bad person,that I have no good in me,I am useless.They dont know me,they dont know the kind of person I can be.I have a giving heart,yet,I make mistakes,plenty of them.probllay will make more.I try hard to pleasing some people and maybe wanting some people back in my life,some people maybe not.I have got so many problems that I have to work out and have no clue how to fix them.How to make my life happy,my heart happy.well,I have gone on long enough with this story of mine,but,I am not done,but,done for now,will come back later.Thanks for listening.Be safe and kool.Peaceout,till now.

 

 

Sunday happenings.

Good moring all,

Hope you all having a good Sunday.It sure is nice out today.I am not going to do much here today,just relax and be lazy.lol.I dont usllay do anything when Gary has enventory,which means He works early Sunday moring and goes back in on Sunday night from 11 to 7 in the moring.A long day/night for Him.He does that about every 4 to 5 weeks.Hes not really susposed to be doing that,His Boss is,but,He does it.

So basicllay,I am going to be lazy today,maybe strighten my room up a bit and maybe start a new craft I bought yesterday at the craft stoor.I want to learn how to make thoes ribbons.I wanted to get the VT colors,but,they was all out.So,I got a few other colors and some neat ribbon with some sayings on it.I have a question for everyone?Does anyone know all the colors for all the awarness illness and things for like Vt?I have pink an I know pink is for Cancer,anything for purple?

Not much else to do,I still have alot to think about,I am going to my Sycolgist,I know,I spelled that worng.He is the one who gives me meds,still been dealing with alot of stress and I feel I need a stronger med.anyone have any ideas?well,I am sure my Dado wants on my Laptop.lol.So,I am going to get off of here and give it to Him for a while.If anyone does have any ideas that I should ask my Doc tommrow,let me know.I hope you all have a beatiful day today.Enjoy.I am going to rest.My hands are hurting a bit.Be safe out and warm and kool out there.Peaeout.

Another stress eara.UUUUG!!!!!

On a beatiful day like today why I am always worrying about so much.I us got a bill in the mail,I been trying to send money every week and it just keeps piling up and I dont know what to do!!!!!!!!I will have to call Monday and talk to the billing person.He is always nice.Why is it,you cant stop worrying about one thing or the other?Cant there ever be a day without worring?I just wated to get this off my mind before I head out with my byfriend.Let me tell you,it is so nice out.I dont need to be worrying,cant do anything about the bill now till I talk to them on Monday.There are a few bills I need to wor on and it is stressing me out!!!!!!!!Any adieas?Peaceout till now.This graffic with my name in it,I would love to be there right now.lol.

Sat Happenings

Good moring all,

Hope you all had a god night.I slept good.I didnt feel like waking up thoe,sometimes you just want to sleep in all day,but,I couldnt,I have to get up and about in a little bit.Work went ok yesterday,execpt for a few people getting on my nerves.I tell you,I cant wait till my old Boss comes back.I hope She does,I am thinking now,SHe isnt,because I havent heard anything.But I am still hoping and praying.I know She wants to come back.

it was like one thing after another,so,most of the time,I just kept to myself and didnt say anything.How ever,the Boss and I got along ok,She was friendly,I was friendly,so,it was good.lol.Funny thing is,they are probllay laughing about it today,I was putting the topings on the muffins,I asked what went on the corn,Boss was joking,at the time,I was just trying to get it all done befre I left,so what I did was put sugar on the corn.lol.She was like,oh,I didnt think you was going to do that.But we all laughed about it and I put corn meal on top of the sugar.lol.So all in all,it was an ok day.

It sure is a nice day out today,nice to be out,so,its to nice to stay in bed all day.I relize one thing,if I am in bed all day,my legs cramp up,specillay in the moring time when I first wake up.I havent had my shots in a about a month.I told my Doctor about it and He never called me back.So,dont know what to do about that.I cant find the number to get my shots.I could use a shot for Arthitis.Well,I guess I better get off of here and get a few things done.I try to to find the right pics for my entry.I guess I didnt do to good.lol.

I hope you all have a nice weekend.Be safe and warm and kool out there.Peaceout.

Fri Happenings.

             

Good moring to all,

hope you all had a good night sleep.I didnt stay up late last night,went to bed about 11.There is a reason why I put that graffic up there.I belive we should not let a day go by without saying I love you,even thoe its hard,well,I tryed doing that the other day,but,it didnt happend that way.The graffic made me think alot about the past and I know we shouldnt think about the past,but,you know its hard not to.There is some people in my life I had to let go for good,which I hate to say it,is a good thing for now.But there is also some people I wish was back in my life,maybe not tottlay,but,somewhat.

It saddens my heart so much,while all this is going on with VT,this is going on in my life.Well,you know something,maybe I am making a big deal out of nothing.I mean,it hurts.But they have no clue as how I have been hurting also,they want to see there side of the story and there story being right.Its like if I even say anything,I am always in the worng.I thought things would be better this time around,but,they are not.

I cant add anymore stress in my life than it already is.But for someone to tell me,you can block me,but dont block God out of your life,that hurt me.God is in my life,always has been,even if I am struglling or even if I doubt.It just bugs me when people think they know all about me,when they dont.All I can do right now,for the bes is to let it go.If they say they can trust you,well,why would you want to be around someone who doesnt trust you?Why would you be around someone when they say,they dont resecpt you?Not a very good feeling.They dont want to see the good in people.So,letting go,even thoe its hard,is the best thing to do.

They sa love never fails,well,this time it has.They dont want to see how much I have been hurt,all they can see is there side.I want to let this all go,move on and find peace in my life.Besides all of whats going on,I am happy,I have my family,my boyfriend,a few friends,which dont need a whole lot.My J-landers and my online friends.You guys have been my rock through it all.I wouldnt know what I would without you guys.I love you all.Thank you for always being there for me.Its nice to come to a place like this and have people by your side and not judging you.Well,I think I have said enough.lol.I need to get off of here and get a few things done before work.I want to also try and make a neckless,an orange and,I dont have marron,or what color that is for VT,but,I guess I can use red.I dont think I have anything to wear that are thoes colors.I hope you all have a nice weekend.be safe and warm/kool out there.Peaceout.

 

Thur Happenings

Good moring all,

I hope everyone had a good sleep last night,I slept ok,a little tired this moring.I didnt go to bed till almost 2 in the moring and let me tell you,that is the latest I stayed up.lol.I was just relaxing,laying in bed on my Laptop.I love my Laptop.lol.I may even go back to bed for a while after I do this entry.

 

I had alot to do in my room last night,I ha to give it a good cleaning.Lol.Which it needed it.I finally washed all my clothes,but,now,I have to fold them and put them away.lol.I gave my floor a good moping to and my bathroom.I moped it with water and bleech.It smells so good right now.Lol.I am glad I did it.Now I just dont want to put my clothes away.But my room is looking good.Lol.

I am happy to say that I am feeling pretty good about what is going on in my life.Thats the least on my mind,I have to much to worry than to worry about the sitition in my life,which it ireally isnt nothing.God has control over it.He will fix this if it needs to be fixed.Well,now I need to get going and get some thins done.I hope you all have a nice day.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.