Today has not been a very good day at all,not a good week either.All I feel like I want to do is hide under a big huge rock and nver,never,never,ever come out.That is just how I feel,I guess it will pass.I am hoping it will pass,because its not such a good feeling right now.I feel like I want to give up everything I have,my boyfriend and jsut let it all go,or maybe I just need a break.I love Him and He is a really good to me,but theres more than meets the eye.It seems like,every year around this time,I look forward to spending the 4th of July with my boyfreind and something,somehting always happends.Somehting at work,someone wants to spend the 4th with there family and I can understand that,and His day off is Wed and it is always changed,because He is not important,other people are more important than what we want to do.I have had it,but theres more to than that.I know He loves me,I know He is always there for me.Nut I am tired,He doesnt know my needs,okay,well,maybe He does know my needs,but I feel like my needs are on the back burner,like getting married.I think I am actullay going to have to just sit down,think about things,take a breather.If He really loves me like He says He does and I know it,but,I want a life,I want marriage,which I dont think He is ready for that and I am finally comming to relize that.Maybe we do need a break up,time away from eachother,to see what we actullay both want in our lives.He is always saying if something were ever to happend like that,He wouldnt know what He would do.Well,somehting has to be done,He needs to know,I am not getting any younger,and I want a marriage,a marriage with Him.He thinks I am a child,I am sure alot of people out there probllay think I am.I am jsut a big kid at heart,who likes to have fun,who doesnt like to hear about bad things happening.I love my boyfriend,I think that I am comming to relize I am scared to leave Him,thinking that He wont come back to me.Maybe thats what I need,if He doesnt come back or not,than I would how He feels.I am not going to do anything right now,not today,but maybe soon.So if you all have any advice out there,I would really like to hear it.Peaceout.
I also want to add,that I am just so sick and tired of a certian person out there who they think can scare me and try to get people on me,thinking they can threaten me,they can do what ever they want to do,they threaten me,because,if you really want to know somehting,I have people in high places to.And the certian person,you are not so icoent.You and your people dont scare me,like I said.My goush,I was so dumb founded to belive and listning to you to take my jpurnal in private.No way,not happening in a long time.If you think my journal is out to hurt you,than by all means,dont read it,do go to it.Than it wouldnt hurt you.I have a God given right to do what ever I want and feel like doing.You can think what ever you want to think about me and my family,I will listen to you no more.You lie about so many things.God will deal with you one day.I wish you would just stop comming to my journal,it has no containing to you.I have every right and power to do and write what ever I want to say in my journal.This is a place were I can come and let go of day to day stuff.I think you seriously need to move on and get over it.I am,but everytime I try,things come up.Fake names ect,ect,ect.If you want to scare me,thraten me,thinking you have higher people to get me,hey,you know what,I have people to.You must think I am really stupid to belive what you say.I am a big girl,I can handle myself and I am not scared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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