frustated

Hi all,I really got to get to bed,dont know why,but,been tired most of the day,well,yeah,I know why,its been a crazy week and I been sooooooooooooooooooooo very depressed.I know its probllay due to the fact its a women thing.We all women know what go through.lol.But this time,its been really bad and it hasnt usllay been this bad.One thing,been cooped up in this house most of all weekend,due to fact plans got messed up.And you know how when your home and you cant go anywere and you start to thinking about things?Which I have been,just really dont know how to fix it all.And I will admit,boyfriend and I have been kinda arguing,almost broke up and we both know we didnt want that,I know He didnt want that.He trys,but He really just doesnt know how I feel about things.I guess when all this came up,the fact that our plans got messed up,we cant spend the 4th together,which we hardly do,so,dont even know what I am getting all upset about.But its more than that and I want to tell Him everything how I feel,that I am depressed,I am sad,and I am scared.Maybe its worng for me t think that because so many other people out here have worse problems than me.I been crying so much for the last few days.I hate the fact that He is always bringing up that He does so much for me,and I know that,and I am greatful for that.But I feel if He loves me,He shouldnt do that,what do you think?Maybe I have been shelfish.I dont know.It was for the first time tonight on the phone we always say we love eachother when we get off and He said it,but,I did say it,but,I kinda didnt mean it,because I was mad,I was angry and I was upset.I know He doesnt understand me.But what am I to do?We almost broke up.I didnt feel like talking,is that a crime?I want so much more out of life and He doesnt know,He knows I want marriage and I am abou to just say look,lets take a break.I dont want a break,or maybe I am scared to take a break away from Him,because I do depend on Him.But I love Him so much and I dont know what to do.Which scares me more than anything.I have not yet come to live my life,my own life,to be indapent,which that scares me more than anything in the world.I am not happy,yes,He makes me happys,He does so much for me,when I am needed some were,He is there.I just dont know what to do.I am at my wits end.But,I am going to end this here.I liked to know what you all think I should do.I could use some advice.Was thinking of sitting down tonight and writting a letter.We both get off the same time tommrow,both work at the same place,which is a good thing,it works out.So what do you think I need to do?Its so hard to talk about my feelings face to face to HIm or to anyone.I am so good at letters.lol.You know what is so funny.My Mom knows me like a book,but eerytime She would ask me if somehting was worng and She knew somehting was worng,I would tell Her I am ok.I just dont want Her to worry,but,She will,She is a mother.She once said,when Shes in Her grave,She will still worry.lol.I have good parents.I am blessed to have good parents who love me.Thank you all for listning.I am so tired from crying,so,I am going to try and get some sleep but try and write a letter.Will let you all know what will happend tommrow.I love you all.Be safe and know God lvoes you to.Peaceout.