To whom was once and will always be in my heart,my bestfriend

 

Good night all,

its late,its not to late yet,but,want to try to be alseep before 2.LOL.They called me into work today,but,didnt go,because,I went out with my Mom for a while.They may ask me to stay later tommrow,we shall see.so,many things have been on my mind,cant even seem to think stright about it all anymore.I keep thinking about the past,the people in my past.I wouldnt even know were to begin,everytime I think of it,it just hurts and if some certian people happend to read this,it is not who you think of.I also think of that person also,but,this is another person,yes,a family member,but,to me was more than just family.I dont care who reads this or if it gets back.Maybe this was meant to be.For me just to get some of my feelings out.

Yes,to much hurt between us is,dont even have the word for it.I can honestly say,and maybe for once in my life right now I need to say how I feel,I miss the way it was a long time ago,the way we were,the way we once was,but,I dont think it could ever get back to that.I wish you would know how I feel,that I do miss you,I care about you,sometimes,wanting to pick the phone up,calling you,just to say hi,how are you?How are you doing?I dont want you to think I am this bad person because,yeah,I have made many mistakes in my life,still making them now.I am not writting this entry,so,that you could see it and know how I am feeling.I am just writting to finally get it all out.I just dont want to hold it in anymore,as long as I have been for so many,many years.We both been through a huge storm.All the things I have said and done,wish I can take back,but theres no taking back,its been done.

 

Through out the years of gatherings and being awakared around eachother,I know it was hard,I could tell.I could tell by the look on your face.The friendship we once had was gone,dont know if we will ever get it back.Maybe this is meant to be.But I want you to know,I have always thought about you,always in my heart.Theres alot of hurt between you and I,theres probllay still alot of hurt between us now.So many things I want to say.I want to say,I love you,I am sorry,I know its probllay late to say,hoping that its not.I just hope you know that I have always cared about you.I have missed you for so many years.You were and my only bestfriend.I know its been hard hard for you.If you only knew,if you only knew how much I truly care and love you.Times have changed now,we have changed,we grew apart.Yes,I get scared about my future,what will my future hold for me?But,I know,thats not your say,I think of so many things,what would happend if something happend to Mom and Dad,I think about that.I feel aso thoe peple dont give me credit enough to think about what life will hold for me in my future.Just sitting here,thinking about all of this,tears comming down my face,just crying out.But,crying out to let it all go.You are not the cause of what happends to me.In the past,you and I,I messed up,I screwded up,what can I say?I miss the person that was once a long time ago.I miss the laughter.But,here we are,here I am.We both moved on.All I want to say is,and hoping you know,I love you,I have always and still love you.You will in my heart always be my bestfriend.I am sorry for everything I have done and hope that all is forgiven.Maybe you have forgiven,maybe I havent,I havent let it go.Maybe this was meant for me to write this to you.You have grown into a beatiful women with 4 beatiful kids.I love you and goodnight.