Oh my goush,I just had a whole entry written and went to put in another pic and I deleted m entry and I am ticked off.LOL.More like mad,because,I was just spilling out all my feelings and than zip.I cant belive that,I hate when that happends.Anyways.
I had a long tiring day,Mom and I did get our hair cuts done,I didnt get it died,but,will later,did get it cut short.will take a pic later.I have so many things running through my mind,as always,the same things,but this time,for some reason,it seems diffrent.
Ok,this is the hardest part,unless maybe you all have heard it before.Oh well,I dont know what is worng with me.I am taking a med called Lexapro,just started taking it tonight,susposed to take it at night.I feel like my life is in a rut,and cant seem to get out of it.Is that so worng of me to think that when there are so many other people out there having it more worse than me?
So why cant I just stop being so dagon afarid of life,just get out there and to the things I want to do,you know,I dont even know what I want to do.I think maybe it is has to do with all thats in my past and maybe I havent let it all go and just be me,the people I have hurt,mistakes I have done.
Hey,I am human,but people want tp blmae me and think its all on me when they cant even look at there own lifes.I have falts,I am not perfect,never have been.I will tell you,I am happy in a way,in another way,I am not.I dont want my old way back,I am happy with my life now,but,I want more.If you know what I am trying to say,or am I just confusing you all?I dont care what anyone thinks of me anymore.I want to know and do know sometimes the good person I am.I am glad that the people who do know me,know who I am and the love me for me.But right now,I will tel you this,I dont even love myself and thats the truth.Can you love someone and not love yourself?Maybe I am just tired,no,I am not,I want so more out of my life.I want it now,just dont know how to go about doing that.
So were do I go about doing that?How do I change my life?How do I make it better?How do I get out there,having fun?I know I have my boyfriend,but theres more,you know?Ok,well,I am going to try and go to sleep.Be safe and kool out there.Peaceout.
6 comments:
darn aol huh if it aint them its us but most the time its them lol.
You say you don't know what you want... can you write down a few things that you want? You say you are scared... can you write down a few things that you are scared of? You say you want to change and you want to change now. Sometimes wanting to do TOO MUCH can confuse a person. Might make you feel like you do now. I have a lot of things that I need to get done but when I think of ALL things at once I get discouraged. Feel like I will never get things done. Start with the most simple thing first then work up to the hardest thing to do. Are you laughing enough? Are you doing any fun things? You are in my prayers, Janie
Have your tried cognitive writing. It does help. Get a piece of paper, divide it into three sections. Head the first section How I feel, head the second section Why Do I feel this way. Head the third section What am I going to do about it?
Then list everything you want to under the first section
Write all the reasons why you feel this way in the second section
In the third section write down what you are going to do to try and change things for the better.
You have to do this every single day, not miss a day or days. After a couple of weeks you should start to feel better about yourself.
http://journals.aol.co.uk/jeanno43/JeannettesJottings/
We all want things, but sometimes that ole clock doesn't deliver them when we think we should have them. This is the second time a song by Garth Brooks has come to mind called "Thank God For Unanswered Prayers". Maybe you are supposed to have those things and maybe you are not. You may not understand why things are not working out the way you want right now, but in time it will all make sense. I hope you will find some measure of peace and contentment. I think you are a wonderful young woman. You work so hard and also with trying to make those around you happy too. Hang in there Mandy!
I get so frustrated with AOL...maybe it is me, but many times this has happened to me, what happened to you about your entry. I think about you and all you feel inside, all the time. I wish the meds would help and you could feel better about things. It is hard, I know. I can't wait to see your hair...I bet you look lovely!!!
Hope your Saturday is the best...I apologize for coming by late...hugs and lots of love,
Joyce
Mandy, I pray the new medicine will help you focus and feel better. Then you can work on problems without being distracted by other things. I am taking the lexapro and I really like what it has done for me. By God's grace, the medicine has helped me work on changing my attitudes and becoming more of who I really am.
loving you
karyl
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