Wed Happenings.

I really dont know what to say anymore.Yes,I miss my couisn,but,I think this is the best way for it to be right now.I know there is alot of hurt between the both of us.But I couldnt take it anymore,I had to let it go.She wouldnt see my side of the story.She always being right about everything and Me always being in the worng.I cant even make Her see what She is doing.It hurts me so much,why cant She what She is doing to m?It saddens me.I dont know what to think of it all.

I want to say so much,maybe I should just come out and say it all,even if people do read this,I dont care.I wanted Her to know I love Her and I pray for Her,but,She just thinks,that I am this bad person,that everytime we try to get together,things happend,I say I dont feel good,than She thinks I dont want to do anything with Her.The fact is,She suspects to much of me.She doesnt trust me,She doesnt want to get hurt again.I been hurt to.maybe in reaility,I knew this couldnt happend,we couldnt be friends,not this time,maybe later,I dont know.I can only do so much,I can only do for me.She keeps asking me why was I upset,what She was blaming me for,She was blaming me for the past,that I wasnt there for Her,,I didnt know how to be there for Her.When She was hurt and didnt know what to do.

Does that make me out to be the bad person?Not being there for Her?I couldnt,i just couldnt,it was to much.Maybe I may have made excuses,this time I wasnt feeling good.ou know,in the long run,maybe its better to be this way.You want to  be there for your family,you want to help them out,encourge them,make them happy.But,sometimes,to much is to much.I could go on and on and say so many things.she has my Sister N law,I am glad She has someone,who was my bestfriend back in highschool.Maybe I am saying to much.But,I just have to get this all out in the open.Yes,it hurts me,I am sad,torn inside,but,for now this is the right thing to do.I dont even know what I am saying anymore,I am tired and its getting late.Its pointless.I hate this,I hate that She doesnt see what She is doing.Its hard to let it go,because,I do miss Her.But,I cant have the added stress in my life.Well,I am going to leave it like this,maybe I will wake up feeling refreshed.I am better that I have let this go,even thoe it hurts.But I need to move on.Sorry guys if I am not make any sience.I am just tired of it all.It just makes me mad,that She cant trust me.If She cant trust me,than,I shouldnt be in Her life.So,for now,I am letting it go,letting God take control.Man,I can say alot of things,but now,its time for me to go to bed.Its late.Be safe and warm.Peaceout.

This was susposed to be short.lol.

Before I start,I wanted to ask all of my J-landers out there whos addy I have,I want to start sending cards and stuff out,so,I need to know.Thank you and anyone elses addy I have.

Hi all,

      I just wanted to make a quick entry before I have to get back to cleaning my room,oh no,you dont want to know how bad it got.Well not that bad,but,bad enough were I had to sweep my whole entire room and bathrrom,moped it with water and bleech.I didnt know it was that bad till last night I spilled half of the soda  bottle onto the floor,thought I gotton it all up,but,didnt.So,I am asking for it now,I hate ants!!!!!!My room needed a good cleaning anyways.I am even washing my clothes,thats been in my bathroom for some time.I know I am lazy.lol.Thought this would be short,but,not.lol.So,I been cleaning and washing.Maybe I will get a good night sleep.Well,Dad is bugging to get onto my puter,Laptop.He is spoiled by my boyfriend to.lol.I will be back later.Peaceout.Maybe this wasnt a quick update.lol

Wed happennings.

Good Moring all,

I hope you all had a good night sleep.I slept ok,but,I kept on thinking about Vt,I kept thinking about all the parents who lost there child and the students who lost there friends,what they must be going through.I know everyone must be thinking,why does this have to happend?Do we blame God?Things like this,makes it hard for me to understand why this happends.Its hard to burry all of your troubles in the dirt,things that happend like this,or the trials and strugels thats going on in your life.Its to hard not to think about it all.Life is scary,you never know when its going to be your last.So many things going through my mind.One thing I am dealing with,hard to let go,but,you have to do the best thing you know how to do.

Its hard to be happy when things like this happend.Even when I am going through something in my life who I had to finally let go for now.Its the best thing to do for me in my life.I finally relized,once in my life,I dont need the stress that has always been layed upon me.This has happen,time and time again,I just never relized that it was always going to be the same,never stoping.Blaming me still for the past things I have done and She never relizing what Shes doing,making me the bad person in all of this.Saying that She cant trust me,that She wants to get together with me,but,I always turn Her down,saying,I am not feeling good and not wanting to go out.

Yes,it does hurt me,She is my family,I love Her so much,She doesnt think I love Her,She cant trust me,when we always try and plan things.This time,we were trying to get together,but,it never happend,never got a phone call or an email,so,She is not making me to blame for this.She never even sees in Her own life that She has done me worng to.but,for once in my life,I am letting this go.She needs to work things out in Her own life.She thinks I am not a friend,that I always stand Her up,stab Her in the back.What about me.I cant deal with this.I can say a whole lot more,that She was fine,She had a job and She was happy till things got messed up.Shes never really had a real job.She thought She could trust me.I told Her,if you cant trust me,enough to be a friend,well,maybe this wasnt mean to be.As sad as it is,I think and I know,things were better the way they was.Meaning,I was fine when I didnt have the stress in my life.

I dont know what else to do,other than to let this go.What makes me mad more than anything,She doesnt understand my side of the story,She has to be right in everything.Its not going to happend like this.She feels I am not a trust worth friend,than She needs to let me go.Which I have finally let it go.Or maybe I havent because I am still talking about it,becaus,I am hurt over this.Just like when I texed message Her the other day and said I love you.She wouldnt have it,She said,if you want to talk,call,She couldnt afford to loose anymore munites on Her cell.Thats bull.She talks to my Sister N law all the time,I wont even get into that one.Because it will just make me mad.But the point is,She has no idea what I am going through,making me out to be the bad person.I am not perfect,never tryed to be perfect.And you know something,things are better this way,just the way they have been.I am happy,just the way I am.All I can do is pray for Her.She is always wanting me to try and understand were She is comming from,I do understand.But,She doesnt let any of it go.So,I finally had to tell Her,I will block you if this keeps going on,I will even have to change my cell number if I have to.Well,enough about that,I was up way ealy this moring,so,I am going to bed back for a while.I was up at 5 this moring and thats early for me.Lol.Thanks for listning to me vent.I hope you all have a nice day today.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.

Tuesday Happenings.

Good after noon all,

I hope everyone is having a good day.I know its kinda sad day to be having a good one.I have alot to say,but,dont even know were to begin.First of all,I would like to say my Mom had a nice Bday,its actullay today,but we took Her out for breakfest yesterday moring.we went to Bob Evans,I got Pancakes with rasberry and bannas on top,man was it good.lol.We went with my SIster and the kids.My nice got my Mom,some,funny cute stuff from the dollar stoor.She got Her one of thoes little pillows that says soul mate on it.lol.Dont ask why.Kids are cute that way.She got Her a magnet and some writting paper.

Ok,now onto some other stuff in my life,that I finally had to let go.No,not my boyfrend.lol.I have deal with this person from time and time and time again,only making me the blame for everything,when I think things are fine,something will happend,than the past is dug up again,that,I dont need.I dont need stuff thrown in my face when God has forgiven me.i am tired of it.Its like the person wont let things alone.I can say a whole lot more,but,I dont know how or were to begin.

Its not really a tragedy,the graffic just kinda stuck with me.lol.I thought things would be better,but,I was worng.I cant keep being blamed for every little mistake.I will say this,this is my family,sometimes you have to let family,be just the way it is,family.I told the person,if this keeps going,I will have to block you,which I dont want to do.But I will.I have my own problems with my own life to deal with,I cant help anyone else.They have to help themselfs.Anyways,I need to get off of here and get some things done before work.Good old work.lol.I just dont need all the  stress and worrying,which I am not going to do.Last night I texted message the person,letting the person know I loved them,because I was thinking about the terrible thing that happend to Vt,but,the person wanted to egg on more problems.So,I am letting it go and will block if I need to.Anyways,my dad is wanting the dagon Laptop,which is my Laptop.lol.Yal have a nice day.I will ctach up with you all tonight.be safe and warm out there.Let everyone of your loved ones know you love them.And I do love you all.Peaceout.

Guest book for Virginia Tech

http://www.legacy.com/Roanoke/GB/GuestBookSaveEntry.aspx?Pers

Its a sad day for Virginia Tech,my thoughts and prayers go out to all of the familys an the students.Right now,they need our susport.I may not understand why this has to happend,but,I know God is with them all.Here is a guest book I cant remember who I got from,one of our J-landers.Thank you for the guest book.This is a nice thing to do,letting them know we are thinking of them all.

So much to do,dont know were to start.

Good moring all,

I hope you all had a nice weekend.Mine was ok.lol.I know some of yal are having snow,I just so want some warm weather right about now.Its been raining here 3 days stright.Its been not very goo with my Arthitis acting up.Specillay my knees,m ankel and my hands.Can you say,I am falling apart?lol.I feel like I am.My Sister,the kids,and I are taking my Mom out to breakfest for Her Bday tommrow.Which really,I just feel like going back to bed.I really dont feel like doing anything today.So much has been going on,I dont know were to begin.I have so much I need to do today and get some things done.All I want to do is crawl back into bed.My Arthitis is really acting up today because of the rain.Everyone would tease me and say I am old,because,I can feel aches and pains all over due to my Arthitis.

I been going through so much stres lately with my job,that now I am dealing with someone else who I love so much and want to be there for them,but,I cant,I cant deal with the pressure of them wanting so much out of me,making it to be my falt that I cant be there for the person.The only thing I can do now is what I have tol them,is to step back and give eachother some speace.No,not my boyfriend.This person execpts so much out of me and they go and leave a message on my cell,that I really dont know how to reply to that.So,I just left it alone.It upsets me what was said.But,I just cant deal with anymore stress that I already have right now in my life.

All I want in my life right now is peace and happyness all around me,sournding my family,my friends,my J-land who I love so much.I will say this,the person,said,I hope you can forgive me,execpting that we can be friends again.I dnt know what to say to that.Its a long story behind all of that.I love and care for them so much.But feeling like I am being blamed for everything,even in the past,which I thought was left in the past.So,I am just leaving it alone for now and letting God taking care of it.Anyways,I really do need to get off of here.I want to call my Arthitis Doc and let Him know about my shots.I hope you all have a good day.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.

Sat Happenings.

Good moring to all!!!

Its time to wake up and smell the cofffee,or hot choclate.lol.For me,it would be hot cholate.Ask me why I am up so early?This is early for me to.lol.I was susposed to be working from 1 to 5,but,I am working 9 to 1,which is good for me.I havent had thoes hours in a very long time.lol.

I know lately its been stressful for me at work and I been making a few mistakes,but,I am not perfect,they been jumping on me about it and I had mentioned something the other day,that when I cant finish my work is because I have to finish someone elses work,they stick up for that person and that just made me so dag on mad.I could not stand it.I know what they are doing and its not right.So,I am just going to bite my tounge and wait till they leave to go to another stoor.I cant wait till my Boss comes back.I will be so relifed.it does hurt me that they will stick up for that person,because of the person being slow.That is so not right.I dont like it one bit.But I have to be kool about it and not say anything.I did raise my voice up a bit about it,because,She was telling me,no,dont bring Her in it,its not Her falt.Well fine,its not my falt,I didnt get it all done.

I feel all I been doing lately is making mistakes or they putting me for the blame on it.Well,they will see how I act towards everyone this moring when I come in.I will just go in,like I have been,not even really talking to anyone theeses days.Do my job and leave.Thats it.I am doing with that.lol.I know I been complaining about that alot lately.Sorry.Just have to get it off my mind.I have to get off here soon and get ready.It only takes me a few munites to get ready,even put makeup on.lol.My Moms Bday is this week,the 17,I know what She wants,so,I am going to go to Target today and get it.I will probllay give it to Her early.I hope you all have a nice weekend.Were headed for some bad weather,not sure what is going to happend.I say,globale warming is comming.lol.Be safe out there and be warm and kool.Peaceout.