what turned out to be a dreadful day,turned into a good day after all.lol.

Hi all,

       good evening to you all,I am actullay in a better mood.lol.Thanks for baring with me.Even thoe,I am still having tons of problems with graffics,I cant even show the pics of my family in London,my brother and His family,I have some good pcis and I just dont understand it.lol.Its not as stressing me out as it was.But,sure wish I knew what the problem was.I miss addding graffics and I a trying everthing in the puter world to see what is going on.My Dad isnt a puter wiz.My brother who would know,doesnt come around at all,so,you all know I am stuck.lol.But would like to tell you about my night tonight,and my day.lol.well,it started out as a really,really,really,bad,bad day this moring.Dont ask me why,I was dreading and didnt want to go take pics with my Sis and family.But you know what,I am glad I did,after dreading the whole day,even crying about it.lol.I am such a women.lol.Baby,Whatever.lol.I think,it was,you know what,big time.lol.I had it,big time,it was one of the worse times this month,it hit me like,I dont know what.Bad cramps,you name it,I was cranky and you can ask my Mom.lol.But after all that moanin and groaning today,it actullay turned out to be a pretty good night.lol.Cold,very cold.lol.I think part of the reason why I didnt want to go,was probllay,it was date night.So I wont get to see my boyfriend till Thursday.But anyhoo,it was so funny,we all got our pics,we havent done this in like,ages,I mean,when I was little.my youngest nephew out of my Sisters family,didnt want to take a pic,dont know why,I guess He was kinda shy and ran out of the room and the lady talked HIm into it.We had alot of diffrent poises.We all laughed,because,Mom and Dad got a pic just the 2 of them,talking about ice age.lol.Thats why we was laughing,because,they never have gotton that done.We had pics of all of us,my neice goes,I guess She was confused,dont know why,but I was in the pic with Mom and Dad and She was like,Shes not family,I didnt say anything.lol.My Sister,said,yes She is.Kids.It was fun,I have to say,all that dreading and getting upset for nothing,turned out to be a pretty good night.Than we went and had a bite to eat.Man,was it cold and still is.We all sitting at the table before eating and my oldest nephew,comes over and says,read to me.This is a long,book on star wars and I couldnteven understand half the words.lol.Plus I was half falling alseep.I didnt eat much of dinner,because,I had a large glass of hot choclate,was so good.But on that note,I am going to have to say goodnight.I am tired and pooped.Just so you all know,I am having problems with graffics and iming people.I dont get it.I am not as stressed out as I was.I do have a doctors app for Thursday moring at 11.I will be glad to go.When I get the pics,I hope,I can be able to share them.Oh and I also got a pic for my boyfriend for christmas,so He doesnt know.I got one by myself.My neice was trying to make me smile,I did smile,but She called me princess.lol.Have a goodnight.Glad you all still sticking with me.Thanks.I love you guys.Be safe and peaceout.

I am all taped out on what to say.

I really hate to be the downer right now,but,I thought I was feeling better,but,I am not.I am not feeling to good right now with having so many problems with graffics.If you say,I am in a pitty party for myself,tonight,I am in one,a big one.It has been a long week.I belive this year,dont know why,this christmas,has just been to me a downer,maybe its me.But,I am crying inside,trying to hold it in from anyone seeing tears comming down my face.Because the puter is down stairs and my Dad is watching tv.Yes,I am really down on myself now at this time in my life.I feel I cant do anything right.I dont want to even get a family picture done tommrow night.Wopie dooo da.My Sis,wants to get a family pic done,when we havent had one since I was little,and to be honest,now,I dont want one.Yes,close your ears,you guys,I am pmsing.lol.Sorry,had to say it.But let me tell you,this week has been so bad and sometimes,there not bad and sometimes they are,this past 3 days has been tootlay,you know what.I am not usllay like this,or am I?I have got alot of going on right now and maybe I am making to much out of it.Yes,I know,more worse people off than I am.I try and thank of ways I can do to help people,help myself feeling good about myself.But if you want to be really tottlay honest,I dont like myself right now,this year has been one crazy doozy one.Maybe I am changing,because,I am getting older and I dont like it.No,dont want to stay young,well,maybe,look young,nut not stay it.I just feel like everything has gone down hill and no one but myself knows how I really feel,ok,maybe,this should go into my private journal.I am not a bad person.But I feel I just cant take it anymore.I am stressing out with so much and I do know you guys have alot of going on and maybe I should sit here and complain.But like we all said,this is our own journal and we come here to do whatever.lol.I just cant pick up the peices and look on the brighter side of things and be happy for what I have.Did I just say that?I am blessed,I am happy.But,my insides dont feel it.I dont want to get family pic taken tommrow.Ok,I hate my life right now and I just dont know what to do.Dont worry,I am ok,to scared to do anything to myself anywyas.I just wanted to say,I am right now,fet up with graffics.lol.Dont know what the problem is,never had the problem before.Its all happening now.This is my life,take or leave it.lol.Sorry you all,but,I just feel the need to vent.And if I had some pain killers,which I dont,they only make you feel good for a while,make you sleep and dont have to worry.I know,they are no good and yes,I was addicted to them.Used to take about 1o,maybe more in one day.I know,its not good.Dont worry,I dont have them.I do have something to help me sleep,but,I only take 3,that is enough,tryed taking 5,didnt do a thing.Ok,thats enough.Goodnight.cya in the Am.Be safe and peaceout.

Yes,I have issues.lol.But I am ok.lol.

its not a christmas graffic,but oh well.

Good moring all,

               Hope you all is having a good day.I am doing ok here.I had not a so good night last night.Didnt feel to good.I feel some better this moring.As some of you probllay alrready know,I am having a ton of a hard time with graffics.So,I am taking a break.I do miss them.But,I just dont know what is going on.Maybe I just so cluless,which,I have no clue.Its fustating me and I am stressed out.lol.Thank you to all who have been very helpful to me in figuring this all out.It could be a computer problem.Who knows.lol.Anyways,I have alot to do today.I am getting my hair done,cut,was trying to let it go,but,it was time to say,bye bye.lol.Cant stand it no more.lol.Cant do anything with it.I am just stressed.Sorry guys,sounds like I ben complaining laot.But,have some good news,if you call it good news.lol.Tommrow evening,we are getting family picture taken,can you say,what?Its been ages,I mean,since I was little and who thought of this?Yup,my Sis.When they are done,I will post them in here.Not sure who all is going to be there.If the whole family is there,it will be a big huge susprise to Mom and Dad,which Dad didnt really want to get it done in the first place.Wone what made my Sis get Him to do it.lol.She told Him the other day,He would have to wear black pants and I dont think HE was to happy about that.lol.I wish my family in London was here to take the pic with us.But.They are needed were they are at and they need lots of prayers right now.They are going through a hard time.I hope my Doc calls about my blood work this week,I might have to call Him.So,I better get off of here cause the lady is on Her way to cut my Mom and my hair.I hope you all have a good day.Maybe I can find a none moving christmas graffic and add it here.I will see.lol.Have a wodnerful day.Be safe,be warm and peaceout.

Thank you sticking with me.lol.

Hi all,

      GOod evening to you all,hope you are all having a good one.My evening is a better one.I want to say thank you to Nightmaremom whos been helping me out so much with sorting out the graffic issus.I feel like I been having issues all over.lol.I will be taking a break from the graffics,but not giving up yet.When I get my mind on somehting and want it to work NOW!!!I get so stressed out.I also feel like this year,kinda been taken a toll on me,dont know why.Maybe,when my blood work gets back to my Doc,He can figure out whats going on.In some ways,I feel like I am changing inside,maybe thats werid,but,I am 34 and I feel so more stressed out than anything and I dont even know why.So,I hope my Doc calls soon.Work isnt helping,its not just about the hours,I am ok,sometimes,and sometimes I would like a break every now and than from working in the evenings.I dont mind it,I dont,not at all,well,it has been geting to me,but,I think what has been geting to me more is,the hours,how long I have been with this company for about 7/8 years,and only been having 4 hours a day and having 3 days off.I think I have way to much time on my hands,and maybe thats why I get stressed out,why I worry so much about everything.I have my shots to think about,thos are not cheap.Arthitis. just wanted to spend a little time here telling you all what is going on and how I been feeling about things.During the Holidays,I know is stressful,not just here in this house,but to everyone.I worry about my Mom,because,the Holidays stresses Her out so much,She worrys that She wont get the grandkids alot of things,that stresses me out.My family over in London,they are having a hard time,my Mom worys about them.When She worrys,I worry and 2 people living in the same house together,and me not working and having 2 days off in a row,takes a tol.lol.I dont want to feel like a pitty party.BUt right now,even with my boyfriend,I feel I have lost alot of intrest in having fun,relaxing,not just worrying about a thing.I did tell my Doc all that.But I think I just relized so much.Life is passing by me and I dont want it to.I want to have fun,enjoy life and be happy.Yes,I still strugle with what happyness means to me and in all this stress,doesnt make it easy.lol.I also wanted to say before I get off of here and try and relax.ThatI love all of my J-landers,you all have helped me so much.Right now,feel like tears are just wanting to come down.I never felt the way I am feeling now,its diffrent,dont know if it is making any sences to anyone.I mean,I am 34 and I dont know what to think.How my life should be.So in all of this,I am going to say,I am outttie here for now.I will be back later.De Dsgins has been helping me so much trying to sort the graffic isse out.Who knows,if its not taken care of,someone may have to look at it and take a look at me to.lol.But,I am going to get ogg of here now,go take a hot steaming bath and try and relax.Thank you all,soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo very much.I love you all.Be safe and peaceout.

Maybe taking a break for a while

This pic above is my graffic.lol.I love theeses guys.As I love you all.Please,dont take this the worng way.Or maybe I am.

Good moring,

               Hope you all are having a good day.I just want to state the fact that,I would never in no harm would take anyones art work and put it as my own.I feel like right now,I am all taged out,till,maybe,I can get this solved.till than,no more tags.I feel that,I think,maybe people are thinking that I am taking there graffics,maybe I am worng and I hope I am,I would never do that.I would never do that to my J-landers.I feel maybe right now,I am not trusted.So,maybe,I will just back off for a while.I know you all mean well and maybe I am taking this all the wworng way.But when someone says its like stealing there propty,that just took my heart away and like I said,I would never do that.I know and thank you all for thoes who have help me through with this graffic and putting it the righ way.I am worn out.lol.I am so sorry and hope you all can forgive me.I feel its all falt and I know,I have alot of my own issues to get my life in order.lol.Which has nothing to do with you all and dont know why I said that.Ds Degins,I am sorry,I am so sorry I put you through alot in helping me sort this out.I would never take your graffics.I just feel like right now,I am all taped out.And,I think maybe,I will just take a break for a while.I do love you all so much.Wouldnt know what I would do without you all.Its braking my heart right now,maybe,because,I got so much other stuff on my mind.So thats it for now.No more graffics,till,maybe,I get it solved.I hope you all have a nice weekend.Be safe and peaceout.Ps,I still will be sending out Christmas cards.I just dont want to think that I am a bad person.I am not.

I know I am only making it worse for myself.I cant get another job right now,because this is the only job that I have right now.I know that I am the only one who can make things right.I feel right now,I am at my last drop,falling into the dark pit and just want to give up.Still knowing there are alot of people who care.Thats only reason why I dont give up.If I had a pain killer,let me tell you,I would be alseep right now.I know,yeah,I am making things worse only for myself.I just wish sometimes people can just give me a break and leave me alone or I dont know.I look at myself,right now and I am madt,hating life and I dont know what to do.I used to love my job,I was happy and I am,kinda,sorta,ok,maybe not.lol.But,I feel they dont see the kind of person I am.Right now,I feel like an outsider.If anyone says anything to me tommrow and they better not.So,what is it going to take?The reason I cant give up this job is because I have health insurance,I cant give it up.I have my shots to think about.I have alot to think about.I know,theres more people worse off than I am.So,I guess thats about it.I think I am just going to get off of here and try and relax.If anyone wants to try and reach me.I guess I have my cell on mobil.