Letting it hang loose

Hi all,hope eveyrone had a nice Fathers day!!!We will probllay have a quiet family dinner tommrow night,but,not so sure about that.But I did get my Dad 2 nice shirts and some socks.Which He can always use.I know Hes probllay been going through alot right now,going through the loss of my Grandma,but,She is in no more pain.I know She is in heaven.He went up to the house Pa,to get ready for the auction,which that is roguh,He could use some preayers.My Dad isnt saved,He doesnt know the Lord,and I want Him so much to know the Lord and be saved.I am n ot close with my Dad,I am more close with my Mom.But I know my Dad loves me and will always be there for me.Dont know why its hard to talk to my Dad,we have never ever talked.But I do know,He will always be there.But enough about that.So many things been going through my mind lately,dont know were to begin.How do you know when to let your past go?How do you know how to be happy?What is happy,what does it mean?I guess I been doing tsome thinking,which I am always thinking,but,neever seem to get anyhting done.I hae so many fears in my life,I want to stop being so scared.I know some people say I will never get married,I will never do this or do that.Which makes me mad.But I guess I need to let all that go.Just dont know how,it is hard.How do you see the good things in life,in your own life?How do you make the life around you better for yourself?I strugle with so much.I am 33 years old,still living with my parents,I dont drive,but,I do have a good job,with good insurances,I have a good boyfriend who is always there for me and lvoes me and will do anything for me.But still feel theres so much mising in my life.I guess I come to relize that this is really bothering me and I need to let it all out.The best way to do that is here.I love J-land,as oters may call it,journal land.lol.It has helped me,getting my feelings out.Getting to know other people and what they have been through.Sometimes I feel like nothing is going to ever change,that this,my life,will stay this way.I dont want to feel that way.I do feel like I am holding onto the past,which I hate.I feel like alot of people in my life dont know the person I am,the good person,I am.I will stop here and come back later.Peace out.