I've done it again and I hate myself for doing it.

Hi all,

Good moring,I am sure most of all of you are stil sleeping or getting ready for church.Well,I hated doing it,but,I called out of work today,missing the time and half of money.But,I just couldnt do it.I talked to my Boss,than had to talk to one of the head managers.I hate doing that.Always makes me feel bad.He is the one who is not always so nice,but,He was ok today.So why do I still feel bad about calling out?My bakery Boss,I said,I could come in and try to work,She said,if I felt bad to call out.I know it puts a strain on Her,because,they are short of one person.Now I feel bad.

Another reason why I feel bad is because of my Mom,She always dosnt like me calling out,specilla on Sundays,I can understand why.But,than She makes me feel bad because,I spend my time with Garry yesterday after I got off of work,but,I didnt even do much with my hands.I dont get it.She gets upset with me and it makes me feel even more bad.She says,She doesnt understand why,I can spend half the time with Gary and come home feeling bad.She knew my hands was feeling bad.She knew I wasnt feeling good.So,now,I will feel bad for the rest of the day,knowing,Shes upset with me for calling out.I know I have alot of outcones of getting sick and calling out.I just hope it doesnt hurt my Job or my hours.Maybe I should of just gone into work.Or should od just took today off.Man,I hate myself right about now.

So tell me I shouldnt worry about it.But than it s going to worry me for the rest of the day,feeling bad.Knowing my Mom is upset with me.I feel like its just because She wants the money,knowing I give rent.I know,maybe thats worng of me saying that.But,She said some things that hurt my feelings last night to.But I didnt say what I just said to Her.I really do hate myself for this.I am just going to crawl under my covers and go back to sleep.For one thing,I have to get up really early tommrow and bake again.I have to be at work at 4 in the moring.Doesnt anyone udnerstand me?Ok,maybe,I have vented enough,no,not nearly enough.I feel so bad,like its going to soct my Job.Dagon it.I am just going to go to sleep.Cya later.Peaceout.Be safe and warm out there.

 

My hands,not doing so well.

Hi all,

I hope you all are having a good evening.I just wanted to update that I may not be on here to much tonight,even maybe taking a brake.Thought my hands was doing better,but they are not.I had cancled my Arthitis app for Monda,but,I may have to make an Er app.My hands are not doing well at all.They are both swolen,red,sore,stiff,even turning purple.My Dad doesnt want me going to work tommrow,but,I need to.Its very hard to even type.i am hurting so bad.They feel so bad,it feels like a bee sting.Ok,I am sorr I wont be getting to alerts.I will try t do some.If not,I will get to them soon.I love you all.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.

Sat Stuff.

Good moring all,

I hope your having a good sleep.Sure wish I was sleeping in today.I feel better,much better,my hands feel some better to.I have been putting Vasline on them and will keep on doing that.I have calouses on my hands from working.I think the meds are working in me.I am glad.Dont ask me why I am up,I am up because I have to get ready for work soon.But,I may lay back down till 6:30.Which willcome fast.LOL.

I sure do hope toda goes by fast and I dont want to be doing 2 jobs today.I think thats why my hands have been hurting.I have been thinking of going private,but,decided not to again.LOL.I just dont like noisy poeple wanting to know how I am doing,if they want to know,they can ask me.This is my Journal,I should be aloud to be free to write what ever I need to.So there,you have it.

Some people think they know whats best for me and whats not best for me.The dont know me,they dont know my Body,or how I feel.I am going to do what I need to do for myself,to make me feel better.Which in the long run,I havent felt this good in a long time.I am starting to feel good.Besides,my Doctor is the one who tells me I need things,so,if he thinks its good for me,it is.There I said it.I am aloud to get mad and vent and say anything I feel.Like I said,this s my Journal,I spent to much time with it to go private.There,thas how I feel.I am big person,an adult,35 years old and can do what ever I need to do.

Well,thats if for me,I am going to lay down for a few munites.But than its time for me to get up.Which it almost is anyways.LOL.Have a good day all.be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.I even feel like dressing up for work.dont ask me why.LOL.

An Update.

Just an update about my Doctors app.I dont know if I told you all,it did go well.I got the care I needed.I kept trying to call that other Doctor back to cancel,but,they are never there.Kinda rude.Oh well.i like this doctor.I got my answers.I am taking Requip for my Restless Leg syndrome,I am also starting to take a new depression pill called,Lexapro.I am also taking Diazepam.All in all,its going pretty good.My hands still keep hurting me,they are still so sore and red.But,I guess I can deal with that,which I have been.Anyways,I need to get going.Peaceout.

Just stuff.

Hi all,

     I hope you all is having a good evening.I am doing good here.I had a busy day today.work was work,busy as always.The Co worker whos in the Hosiptal,dont know if shes out or not or when Shes comming back.but She will.In a way,I hope She comes back,so,I wont have to keep doing Her Job and mine.LOL.they needed to revulate Her meds.I dont know,its all messed up.Dont want to get into that.

Ok,Mom just yelled to me to come down stairs and guess what I found?My 2 nephews,they are spening the night.I have to get the air mattress out.I have a slight head ahce and I have a cramp in my leg.Man,I hope I will be able to work tommrow.I am sure I will.How ever,would be nice to have a Sat off.Maybe I wll take one off soon.

On another note,I have so much to do and seems like I can never get it done.I need to clean my room,do sone laundry and dont feel like doing it.How ever,its a good thing I get to sleep in a little late tommrow.Just a tad.LOL.I still have that head ache.Man,if I wake up tommrow,not feeling well,I am not going in.LOL.I will.

Ok,I cant seem to find the right graffics to my entry.LOL.Oh well.I better get off of here and get going.Have a nice weekend all.be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.

 

I am a little out of it this moring.LOL.

Good moring al,

I hope you slept better than I did.I sure wish I was still sleeping and not going into work today.I am really tired.That medicne kicks butt.LOL.But it does help me relax.I will just go int work,get me some coffee and I will be ok till 12.I am not staying any latter.LOL.Man,i really feel out of it.But,thats ok,I will come home and get a good nap in.I have to go Target get my other emds and  probllay go to the stoor with my Mom.Than,I come home and relax.I hope you all will have a good day today ad start of the weekend.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.

A good outcome.

Hi all,

I hope you all are having a good evneing.I am doing good here.I dont know if I am going to go private or not.I will let you all know.I went to the new Doctors today and with a good outcome,even thoe He was in a rush.he had t go to the Hosiptal to see a patience.But I liked Him.I had a long list for Him and He asked me why I couldnt just tell Him,I said because I get nervous.LOL.But He gave me a sample kit of Requip for Restless Leg Syndrome.I just took it and it seems to be helping.Than after I take this sample,I start with the prescritption.

He wants to see me back in 10 days. didnt have to wait that long.he also gave me a new med for depression and something else.No not pain killers.I have to get thoes meds tommrow.But,as I cant think stright now,I am getting tired,its been a long day for me.So,I am going to head off of here and get some sleep.I hope you all have a nice weekend.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout.