Thank you all for ebing you!!!!!!!!!

Hi all,

        Good moring,hope you all is having a good day today.I feel somewhat better.Thank you all so much for the encourging comments.I am so greatful for you all and love each and everyone one of you.I am still feeling stressed about a few things,but,GOd must of been looking out for me,because,I had to make 3 phone calls this moring.I made a call to my bank and I only have a 100 in there,should of been more,Dad says they are taking 12 dollars out,I guess,everytime I use it,but,I havent even been going to the bank in a while.So tommrow,I am taking it all out and I want to open another account into another bank,which there is a bank right inside my stoor,it is Providences,I hope its a good bank and will be much easy for me to just cash it there.We shall see.lol.I than callled my Arthitis doctor and left a nessage for Him,telling him,I cannot afford paying 3 hundred dollars for my shots,it is just to much and I would like to go back and pay 100,they probllay have gone up some,but,it will be much easy for to do that.They sent me a paper,trying to get it free,but,it doesnt work that way,they look into seeing hoe much you get payed and I dont get payed that much.So,I told Him how I felt and thats what I wanted.Last,I made a call to my therepyst,sounded like I was almost crying and I told Her how I am feeling about being stressed out,because,I cant pay my bills on time.She still wants me to come in tommrow and we can talk about it and see what we can do.She was very nice.I am still stressed about a few other things,but,I will put that in my private journal.I didnt delet it,I think I need that one.Anyways,thank you so much.I know,one ting is I need rest,I havent gotton much of it.I cant seem to relax.Last night,how ever,I did a little bit.Anyways,I am about to leave for work.I hope you all have a nice day.If I dont hear from any of you all,I wish you all a safe and Happy thanksgiving.Belive me,I am greatful for so many things.Be safe and peaceout.

Ii am just mad in genrel

Ok,I really,want to say,good evening and how are you all doing?Ok,I just did.But for some reason,I just dont feel like doing much of anything,I dont feel like being nice,I know its worng,but,right now,I just dont know what or how I am feeling.I feel stressed,mad,angry,hurt,all of the above,it just all hit me at once and to tell you the truth,I dont know why.I know this is the time to be thankful for so many things and all the blessings in the world.But,for the life of me,dont ask me why all of a sudden,I cant stand to be me.I feel useless,hopeless,feeling like giving up.This isnt me,this isnt who I want to be.I am begining to hate eveything around me.Why am I beinging this all out in the open,I dont know.I am not looking for attention,I am not looking for people telling me,its all going to be ok.Right now,tears are actullay comming down my face.I feel like no one understands me,no one cares.I know I am feeling selfshif.It is worng for me to feel this way,but,I feel it.I feel drained.Well,its a good thing I am seeing my therepyst on Tuesday.Which,I dont have the money,but I will,dont worry.Thats another thing.I worry about so much,about how am I going to pay my bills.sometimes I feel like I need a new atmsfere in life,you all know the word I am trying to say.Maybe I do need a good rest.I hate working the hours I am working,and maybe I mentioned in my earlyer entry that,my boss likes me working thoes hours,because,She can depend on me getting everything done.Its not fair and I think everyone should at least take turns.But She says,I can by in my own,working by myself.I am tried of everything,life in genrel.I am sorry to bringing this all down on you guys.But I just feel I need to get it all out.I dont like myself very much right now.I feel like I am just tottlay burned out.So here I am just venting away,letting it all go.Sometimes,I just wish I wasnt even around.But I am here,and there must be a reason why I am here.I dont even know what that is.Sorry guys.Well,I am turning in.Going to get a goodnight sleep,maybe watch a dvd and do some cards.Have a good night all.Be safe and peace.One more thing,I just dont get it,why She needs me thoes hours,when I have every right in my book to say somehting,oh but Shedpends on me,boo hoo.I am not jsut mad about that,just life in genreal.Goodnight.

What is the deal?

Good moring everyone,

Happy Sunday to all,hope you all is having a good day.I am up and ready to go to work in a bit.At least I get some more hours this week.I am just sitting here,thinking a few things about life,when I am not thinking about things.When am I not thinking of how to get my life were I want it to be?What is holding me back?I want to be happy in my life,I am happy,but,not content and what does that actullay mean,being content?I need to do things,get out there and enjoy life,but,its hard at times and I do enjoy life and I am happy,like I said.I am greatful for so many things in my life.I just cant figure out for the life of me,what is holding me back from enjoying the life I want?Does everyone think of this,what they want out of life?I have a good family,a few friends,a good boyfriend.But I feel soemthing is missing in my life,I feel it in my heart and I just dont know what that is.Its not like,I want to learn how to drive or go to college,I dont want that.I dont want to drive,because for one thing I am scared to,but,I have had people tell me,I would be a good driver,I think I would probllay just be like Mom or my BOyfriend,they drive the same,I think,at times.lol.Its scary out there.I still get edgy when I am in the passagners seat,after the accident Mom and I had in the summer time.I think what I am most scared about is,cant belive I am actullay going to say this,dying,or somehting bad is going to happend to me or my loved ones.That scares me the most.I want to stop thinking that way.I want to be more posative,and I used to.I hate to hear people say good things about me,ack,I dont like it,dont know why,but I dont like it.I dont like people telling me,I am a good person,I have a good heart and I like to help people.What is worng with me?Told you,I had a few things on my mind.Maybe even someday,I wont have to be on any pills.But.now isnt the time.I think alot lately about God and what is He all about.I am a christian,sometimes I feel as thoe I am not and I doubt Him alot.That was really hard for me to say.my Mom,my Sister and my Brother in London all are in church,good christians.I am a christian,but I seem to doubt alot of things for so long.What is the deal?Anyways,I will stop here,because,need to finish getting cleaned up and go to work.You all have a nice Sunday.Be safe and peaceout.

Just tired.

Goodnight all,

                And this is a goosnight.I am so tired,dont evne know why.I feel all drainded out.All I want to do is get into my covers and go to sleep and thats what I am going to do.So,I am making this short.I hope everyone is enjoying there weekend.I got a little upseet about work,you all must be tired of my saying this and I finally ask Her,why am I working everyday from 1 to 5,I usllay only work it on the weekends,now Shes got me working everyday.I know,SHe did say that She can depend on me getting thigns done,why me?I have a life to.But a good thing came out of it.I am off Thanksgiving and Friday.But in no way,I am getting up early,very early in the moring to go shoping on,what do they still call it?Black Friday?lol.My Mom and Sis usllay trys and go,but it usllay never happends.lol.Anyways,you thought this was going to be short.lol.Be safe and peaceout.

Just wanted to say thanks.

Its me again,

       I just wanted to say thank you to Cheery and everyone else who bought this to my attention.I was going crazy.lol.So,I finally deleted it.Thank you so much.I am not even dressed yet,but I still got plenty of time.I know this week I will probllay get a few more hours.I actullay felt like going back to sleep this moring.I did for a while.Than got up,took a nice hot bath,felt like falling alseep there to.lol.But,I am up and ready,just not dressed.My knees are somwhat swolen,dont know why.I think I need to drink more water,yuk,or tea.Anyways,thanks again so much.I am glad you all are my 2 family.Have a wodnerful day.Be safe and peaceout.

Someone please tell me what did I do wonrg?

Good moring all,

                        Hope you all are having a good one.Ok,first of all,I am so confused as to the comments you all left in my journal,did I do somehting worng?I dont know what you all meant by edditing.I am clueless.So,please let me know if I am doing somehting worng.My last entry,I used that picture from the mailing list,it is not a graffic.lol.Werid,I have no clue.lol.I woke up,came online,read my comments and I was like,ok,what did I do now?lol.So let me know and I will fix it.Thanks.I am glad I have good J-land friends to help me out,to point me out what I did worng or what I didnt do worng.lol.Anyways,enough about that.Nothing much going on for the weekend.I will be working today againf rom 1 to 5,dont mind it,but I do mind it,because of spending time with my boyfriend.He will be working late tonight anyways.Let me tell you,it is getting really busy in the groicey stoor.It was crazy last night.My Dad picked me up at 5,when I got off,put the groicys into the car and everytime we tryed to get out,someone kept walking in front of Dads car and He had to stop.That is kinda scary,scary for me,because,I still get nervous after having the accident a few months ago with my Mom.Thats one reason why my Mom doesnt drive hardly anymore,She didnt before,now its a good idea for HEr not to be driving,as She gets very nervous.She never drives on the beltway,never,unless,She has to,but,She hasnt been on the beltway in a very long time.I actullay got up this moring,actullay did an entry,whic I hardly get to do in the morings.SO I am good to go.I was trying to look for my stamps,but may have to get some more,I need to anyways.Well,I am going to get off of here and get some things done.It just bables me,cause,I dont know what I did worng in my entry.lol.Dont want to offend anyone.Have a wodnerful weekend,I am sure some of you all are probllay having early Thanksgiving.Be safe and peaceout.

Time to get up ou of bed and get going!!!!lol.

Good moring all,

            I hope everyone will have a nice weekend.It doesnt feel like Christmas,because its not even cold and we have no snow,this always happends.If we get any snow,its usllay later in December.Would be nice if it would snow on Thanksgiving or Christmas Eve,but,that enver happends.I am a little upset because I cant find one of my fave movies,The Porlo Express,I think I lended it to someone and didnt get it back.Maybe it will turn up or I wil have to buy a new one.Everyone that knows me I love Dvds,I must have over 100.But I am not good at keeping them all together.Thats what I will probllay do tonight.We have the kids for a little while,why my Sister and her Hubby go Christmas shoping.I have to work today from 1 to 5,I am really getting tired of working thoes hours.I keep thinking they will change.bUt one thing is for sure,if the other boss comesback,I am and will tell HEr,I need my moring hours back!!!!!!!Pront on the double.lol.Anyways,I need to get off of here and get a few things done.I do have a few new Christmas Dvds that my 2 Nephews and 1 neice can watch tonight.Its the old time classics dizney ones.I love thoes.I want to look for Chip and Dale Christmas or another one of my fave is,Alvin.lol.Does it seem like I am getting in the spirit of Christmas?lol.Well,hope you all have a wonderful weekend.Oh yeah,our lights went off 2 times last night,once in the evening and once late at night,for some reason,it always wakes me up when that happends.lol.I will talk with you all later.